Under Much Grace

Understanding the Freezing Response in PTSD in order to Better Understand the Behaviors of the Survivors of Hephzibah House

2012-01-30T04:00:00.000-05:00

This post seeks to explore the freezingresponse in trauma in order better understand why a survivor oftrauma at HephzibahHouse (HH) would have experienced confusing and constrictedresponses to threat. Survivors of HH specifically report that theirresponses to threats become flattened or frozen after leaving HH,specifically reporting a freezing response to threatened sexualassault.

Review of the Survival Response

When confronted with a traumatic orthreatening situation, as discussed at length in a recent post, thebrain of a person responds by activating a survival response which isprofoundly physical in nature. If a person stopped to think aboutand plan a response to the threat, chances are that they would not beable to respond quickly enough to survive the threat. The brain'sanalytical or critical thinking faculties suspend momentarily, andlower brain structures kick in, enhancing the speed of physicalresponse.

Before advances in science allowedbetter observation regarding the brain's response to threat, sciencetook note of the “fight or flight” response. When faced with aserious threat, the body started into a cascade of hormones andneurotransmitters which enable the body to flee or to fight. Theautonomic nervous system (the automatic system that governsunconscious physical response) shunts blood away from the gut and toskeletal muscle and brain, as the body releases hormones that raiseblood pressure, heart rate, and blood sugar as they also speed theresponse of nervous tissue. It makes energy and oxygen available tothe systems of the body that play the greatest role in either runningfrom or resisting a threat.

Please take note: Themind processes psychological threat or perceived threat in the sameway that it does a physical one, and the same cascade ofneurotransmitters and hormones plays out, even if an individual isnot in a situation where they would need to physically run or fight. The mind and body processes these threats in the same manner. Alsonote that these are not chosen responses but are deeplyphysiologic, and they actually bypass critical thinking or choice.

Chronic Stress

Those who cope with chronic experiencesof trauma are often faced with these types of responses on a regularbasis. The body cannot maintain this high level of energy and stressfor long periods of time, and over time, the body learns to adaptbecause the pressure and stress becomes to great. The Doctrine Over Person response, redacting one's personal history and preferences,demonstrates one way in which a person adapts to the high level ofstress created within a system of thought reform or spiritual abuse. And as previously discussed, some of these responses that result in apsychological change result from a physiologic cause.

Please recall our previousdiscussion of dissociation which can occur as a coping mechanismin response to trauma, a creative response of the mind which in someway removes the affected person from the threat. In the presence ofan extreme threat, dissociation allows a person to feel emotionallyremoved somewhat from events so that they can appropriately respondto immediate and limited threats. However, in situations where aperson operates under daily threat and constant pressure,dissociation becomes that affected person's new “normal state.” People remain in this alteredstate of consciousness, and the experience also alters the normalgrowth of children by their normal inhibiting the development of thefull scope of their problem-solving and analytical thought. Aprolonged trauma state also interferes with the adult's ability tomaintain high levels of thought, as is true in depression and otherconditions that affect blood flow and activity in the brain and mind.

This sense of feeling a little removedfrom reality becomes a type of escape from the overwhelming pain thatthe traumatized person experiences all the time. When chronic, thisstate of mind which is normally a healthy coping mechanism becomesproblematic. People who develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (whenthe survival response fails to shut down after a threat has passed)and people who exit high demand groups that demand their compliance(including spiritually abusive Evangelical Christian groups which usemanipulation against their followers) remain in chronic dissociativestates. Spiritual abuse does constitute a type of psychological,emotional and spiritual trauma, producing the same types of symptoms. It creates a dreamlikesensation that suppresses a full state of mental acuity whichallows the person under pressure to continue to function and remainproductive.

Consider also what takes place in thebrain and body when it must operate under constant high stress. Thebody resets itself and changes the way that it responds to certainhormones and neurotransmitters. Think of an unfamiliar noise thatyou hear in an new environment that is a part of it. If you grew upin the country away from traffic and then moved to a city where youcould hear the sound of the traffic in your bedroom at night, forsome time after relocating, that sound acts as a disturbance –until your brain learns to adapt.

A similar adaptation takes place in thebody's production of neurotransmitters/hormones, its responses tothose chemicals and how it responds to impulses related to stress. (An adaptation of the body we associate with high stress that isaffected by these hormonal changes can be hypertension.) When underconstant high levels of stress, the body readjusts its baseline tomaintain function, but that function has been altered and is notideal. The brain no longer responds to stress in the normal way. Some neurochemical production drops, some increases, and the degreeof physical response can change also. There is so much cortisol allthe time, it essentially becomes meaningless to the normal systems,so the body adapts to maintain the ability to respond immediately toserious threat, preserving that survival response as much aspossible. But consider that chronic stress alters that system andhow well it responds.

Previous Threat and LearnedHelplessness

We have also already discussed thatPTSD more frequently develops when a person's efforts to protectthemselves becomes thwarted in some way. The intricate and marveloussystem which involves generating a great deal of emotional energy aswell as physical energy on a purely physical level sometimes fails toresult in a beneficial outcome. That energy must go somewhere, andreleasing that kind of energy is sometimes referred to as “blowingoff steam.” When the release of energy doesn't result inprotection in response to a trauma, if the affected person cannotfind a safe way and an outlet for expressing that raw, hormonallydriven energy, they can tend to turn it inward through negativeemotion that they direct toward their sense of self. It contributesto the sense of pessimism that accompanies PTSD. When chronic, aperson learns helpless behavior and believes that they are helpless,whether or not they are truly helpless. Perception becomeseverything.

An example of this on a psychologicallevel is experienced by a child who witnesses their mother beingbeaten by an abusive spouse. The child has an overwhelming desire tohelp the mother but lacks the skill and strength to intervene, butexperiences all of the physical response of threat. The child mayalso fear being hit by the abusive parent as well in a way thatparalyzes him. If the child never gets an opportunity to workthrough and express his fear and helplessness in a healthy way, itinterferes not only with his ability to adapt, but also with the wayhis brain responds physically to threat.

The effects of such events do not evenneed to be chronic to produce a chronic problem with fear andhelplessness. But, just imagine the psychological toll that watchingthis type of situation over and over again has for a young child asthey grow into adulthood. When faced with a similar threat as anadult, because the child who never has an opportunity to work throughthe terror of their own helplessness as a child, they may carry theperception that they are always and indeed helpless against a similarthreat. (Remember to not discount the physical adaptations of thebody as a response to chronic stress.) Or they may just beoverwhelmed with the memory of their previous experience and couldenter a state of dissociation in response to a similar threat as away of protecting their mind and emotions. They may feel as though“This cant be and this is notreally happening to me.” We actually have two veryplausible rationales for a freezing response through this singleexample of previous trauma.

Freezing and Immobility

The freezing response, a response ofimmobility when faced with an ongoing threat of harm, occurs in bothman and animals, though not as frequently as the fight or flightresponse. But there is a physiologic basis for this as well, and itis another means of coping with threat.

And we also touchedon the idea that when a person's ability to respond to a threatis inhibited and they are restrained from responding in some way, thebrain routes and processes those impulses much differently in thebrain. When a person is forced into a helpless position,the amygdala in the brain activates and would normally send impulsesinto the basal ganglia to finish the survival response, resulting inself protection.

The Basal Ganglia and Amygdala

Consider that when eating, if food that you chewednever made it all the way down your esophagus, you would not onlyfail to obtain energy from the food you swallowed, you wouldexperience a crisis due to the blockage and would not be able tocontinue to eat. In some sense, the trauma response is similar,because the system of survival gets thwarted promoting the conditionsfor the development of PTSD (according to the modern researchconcerning trauma). This particular thwarting of the the survivalresponse and the interruption of the processing of trauma is directlyassociated with a freezing response. An immobilization response is atrauma response, and it is one that is physiologic, not one thatderives from conscious or deliberate choice. And newresearch concerning the survival response indicates that there isa high correlation between pre-existing levels panic and anxietyprior to trauma and people who freeze in response to threat. We alsoknow that learned helplessness produces depression and anxiety.

The Freezing Response to Trauma inthe Survivors of Hephzibah House

Our focus in these blog postsconcerning the various aspects of trauma has aimed at understandingwhy many of the survivors of HephzibahHouse leave the facility and then experience additional trauma. Many survivors have reported being raped, including LucindaPennington who serves as an advocate for the facility. Girls atthe home are taught that the freezing response that many peopleexperience during trauma and rapein particular is a sinful response, suggesting thatsexual assault was deserved if not solicited by the victim. BillGothard also teaches that the Biblical account of Dinah makes herculpable in her own rape, for the “powerof crying out” carries a mystical power that will result in asupernatural outcome. Based on these medical facts related to bothtrauma and to the freezing response in the experience of sexualassault, these teachings promoted within Independent FundamentalistBaptist Churches could not possibly be a more poignant example ofcondemnation that shifts blame away from men (the aggressor) and onto women who are believed to somehow solicit their own rapes. And wehave alreadydiscussed the esteem and benefit of the doubt afforded to menalong with the prejudiceagainst women within this religious system.

As we have explored already, if a youngwoman who has exited HH has demonstrated a lack of ability toadequately protect or care for herself, the effects of generaltrauma, thoughtreform, childhoodroots of victimization/developmental deficits, the abuseof gender hierarchy, learned helplessness,boundedchoice, dissociation,external locus of control, andchronic/complex trauma addto the likelihood if not encourage a freezing response to threat. Survivors were conditions to fail to respond to threat, and the HHexperience could not have done more to actively promoteimmobilization and a freezing response.

In an upcoming final post on thissubject, we will also consider the final consideration of thecompulsion to reenact or re-experience trauma, another notablefeature of PTSD.

Understanding Learned Helplessness and Bounded Choice and Their Role in Self-Protection and Self-Care

2012-01-29T05:00:00.000-05:00

In the late '60s, Seigelman atUniversity of Pennsylvania developed the concept of learnedhelplessness as part of his study of the nature of depression. The researchers apparently discovered by accident that if dogs weresubjected to punishment with electric shocks and their ability toprotect themselves was thwarted would eventually become pessimistic. In the second phase of the testing, believing that there was no hopein avoiding the shocks the dogs would not avoid the punishment –even when the conditions of the study enabled them to avoidpunishment by jumping over a small barrier to find relief. Theywould just passively lay down on the floor through which the shockswere delivered and would whimper instead of protecting themselves. The first part of the study successfully trained the dogs into astate of accepting punishment, even though they could avoid it. Theconditioning also produced depression and anxiety in the dogs.

In 1969, Watson and Ramsey set out todo a similar study with human babies, testing whether a baby wouldattempt to control the movement of a crib mobile. If the babies inthe study learned through the study conditions that they had no poweror control over the mobile, they would cease making any attempts toaffect it. Babies who were not subjected to these limitations didexplore their environment and would work to change the movement ofthe crib mobile. Subsequent studies demonstrated this development ofa pessimistic attitude indicating that a significant number of peoplewho encountered a situation wherein their actions had no affect ontheir environment, they would stop attempts to change theirenvironment.

Teaching Pessimism and Helplessness

What did we learn from these studies? Pessimism can be learned, and in particular, parentscan teach a sense of pessimism to their children. The child learnsto “live up to” or “down to” the level of expectation thatothers see in them, and they can be quite easily conditioned intobelieving that they are quite worthless and powerless, based on howtheir parents and other role models treat them.

As with the studies in the sixties,both child and adult alike will spend some time trying to avoiddistraction and discomfort, but after a period of learning, thatperson will stop trying. They will even stop avoiding pain andpunishment, even though new or alternate conditions mayprovide for their protection. Depression and a low sense of worthalso contribute to the development of learned helplessness, and badexperiences also contribute to depression and a low sense of worth. These perceptions contribute to problems with self-defeatingbehavior. And as a long-term coping response to this feeling ofnihilism and futility, children can grow up into adults who practiceself-defeating or even self-destructive behavior.

Hephzibah House Survivors' Failureto Self-Protect: Learned Helplessness as One of Many Factors

At Hephzibah House, the resident girlsas well as the staff there learned quickly that they had no abilityto protect or provide for themselves. The level of optimism andtrust placed in the girls did not exist. They were treated likehuman garbage and were told directly that they were of limited worthand usefulness in life because of whatever qualified them to beresidents there. They could not even decide how much toilet paper totake from the roll, because they had to request it before theyentered the bathroom so it could be allotted to them. They could donothing to escape their conditions or ease their suffering. Thebeatings would eventually come, regardless of their behavior. Someperceived attitude or illness would eventually interfere with theirgood standing or status. There was no escape.

Much has been written regarding therole of learned helplessness in child abuse. For the survivors ofHephzibah House or those who wish to understand why the effects ofresidency there was so life-altering for the girls who survived theexperience, learned helplessness most definitely plays a role.

I also addressed this topic somewhat in a Blog Talk Radio episode with Jocelyn Andersen inApril 2011, just prior to our interview with Hephzibah House survivor, Susan Grotte. Link here to the webpage or listen to the show on theplayer embedded here. The first half of the 30 minute show describesthe general conditions at Hephzibah House, and the latter half discusses these factorsand why the residents there struggle with restricted and collapsedbehaviors after leaving the home.

If PTSD creates a sense of pervasivepessimism, add to the effects of the trauma of Hephzibah House thefactor of learned helplessness. This only compounds the sense ofhelplessness and futility that many children learned in their homesgrowing up as was explored in the blog series concerning the childhood roots of victimization. In upcoming posts, we will alsoconsider the influence of the “freezing” survival response andthe compounding compulsion to reenact trauma.

Learn more about the trauma response of "freezing" in an upcoming post.

If you are familiar with the conditions at Hephzibah House, skip to 17 minutes into the program for a bit of a discussion on conditions that fostered the residents' sense of learned helplessness.

Listen to internetradio with jocelynandersen on Blog Talk Radio

References:

Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control (Bandura)
Learned Helplessness: A Theory for the Age of Personal Control (Peterson, Maier, Seligman)
Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life (Seligman)
Helplessness: On Development, Depression, and Death (Seligman)
What You Can Change and What You Cant (Seligman)

Shattered Optimism Grows into Failure to Self-Protect in PTSD

2012-01-28T04:00:00.000-05:00

In an ongoing discussion of trauma, ouroriginal objective involved an attempt to understand why thesurvivors of HephzibahHouse (HH) experience a failure to protect themselves, especiallyafter immediately leaving the home. Some survivors also experience long-term problems with self-care and self-protection problems, even into adulthood. Though thisinformation pertains directly to them, it also pertains to anyone whohas experienced significant trauma.

We've examined the childhoodroots of victimization that certainly contribute to lack of thisparticular lack of self-care, but we've yet to consider this featuredirectly related to PTSD. When people develop Post Traumatic StressDisorder (PTSD), a condition that quite often results when theaffected person has been unable to avoid painful circumstances, itcreates a pervasive sense of pessimism which arises from the physicalresponse of survival which fails to shut down after the trauma threathas resolved. One of the ways a person lives out that pessimismcomes through the idea that self-protection will be futile. Just asdevelopmental factors contribute to a person's failure toself-protect, so does their sense of pessimism.

Beliefs About Self

Before Trauma. Prior to significant trauma, most people experience a type ofoptimism that suggests to a person that they are generally safe andcan expect certain predictable, positive things from theirenvironment. If healthy and not strongly affected by the pitfallsimmature parenting in their original family while growing up, mostpeople tend to see themselves in positive terms – as good, capable,and talented. They tend to assume that their futures will bepositive.

Following Trauma. PTSD shatters and transforms most of those optimistic assumptions. As a matter of survival, the person no longer feels safe butanticipated continued threat, giving substance to the cliché,“waiting for the other shoe to drop.” The traumatizedperson becomes well acquainted with helplessness and vulnerability,and in some sense, they become subconsciously preoccupied with it.

This pessimism also turns inward andcreates the feeling in a person's sense of self that they should beashamed, but it reaches beyond the circumstances that prevented themfrom favorably avoiding harm resulting from the trauma. Traumatizedpeople struggle with shame and guilt (beyond the experience ofsurvivorguilt), regardless if such feelings are deserved or not, andthey bleed over into other areas of life that have nothing to do withthe trauma. Traumatized people question their own worth, tend tofeel overly responsible within other situations, and can compulsivelyself-recriminate.

Beliefs About How The TraumatizedPerson Fits Into the World

Before Trauma. Prior to trauma the world seems to most people as a fairlypredictable and orderly environment with fairly sensible institutionsand basic rules that, when followed, result in predictable outcomes. The world seems, by and in large, a reasonably fair place, whereinresponsible behavior results in safety and self-benefit. Otherpeople are generally believed to be good and reliable, and reachingout to others is a worthwhile and beneficial process.

Following Trauma. After trauma, the rules that used to apply which made the world seemlike a place that made sense seem to disintegrate for those sufferingfrom PSTD. The world's rules left them without recourse, and theirbeliefs and efforts failed to protect them from harm. For all theirgood planning and good effort, the system failed them. A person mustface the idea that life is not always fair, and as it was likely intheir own experience, the system of the world and it's predictablenature fell apart for them.

In terms of people and as a matter ofsurvival, people become untrustworthy and hurtful. Socialinteraction becomes a tiring and threatening process. This tends tocreate the sense of isolation and alienation. As we've noted before,certain areas of the brain shift from a focus on self to a focus onsurvival and threat. Physiologically, it becomes very difficult toconcentrate on the perspective that life is a safe place and thatpeople (and God) can again be safe for them.

Special Considerations Regarding theSurvivors of Hephzibah House

Survivors of HH would most definitelyexperience the pervasive sense of pessimism after leaving theirtraumatic environment, particularly after immediate exit Some youngwomen report report that they were raped soon after exiting HH. Inresponse to this particular kind of threat, they experience what isknown as “freezing,” a response of immobility wherein they“freeze up” in panic and seem to submit to their attacker. Inerror people like Ron Williams and Bill Gothard teach that suchimmobilization amounts to a sinful warranting of rape, and the girl'sown actions essentially warrant the violation in some sense.

This feature of trauma contributes tothe host of factors that promote the response of freezing which wewill discuss in an upcoming post which is enhanced by the componentof dissociation experienced by those who experienced chronic trauma. Reasearch indicates that it is also associated with chronic traumaand panic and has little to do with planned action, character, orhuman will. Again, it is another response that results primarily dueto a physiologic response. The lamenting and guilt that follows sucha type of revictimization is also a very commonexperience.

More to come.

Finding a Counselor to Deal Specifically with the Adult Problems Resulting from Emotional Developmental Deficits During Childhood

2012-01-27T04:00:00.000-05:00

In response to the posts concerning the“childhoodroots of victimization” (the consequences faced by adults whogrow up with parents who fail to respect the characteristics andneeds of children), I've received several emails asking for adviceabout how to find a good counselor.

Given the very promising research andmy own positive experience, and though I'm a big fan of CognitiveBehavioral Therapy, I really believe that when dealing withtrauma and depression, I believe that EyeMovement Desensitization and Reprocessing offers the bestalternative.

So what weird language am I speaking?

Types of Therapy

CBT

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) isgenerally accepted as the best, standard therapy, and most peopleconsider general talk therapy to be synonymous with CBT (though I nolonger necessarily do). Cognitive means “thinking,” and CBTlooks at how thought affects behavior (and emotion). It assumes that if your thoughts are healthy and realistic, yourthoughts will guide your emotions, and your emotional state willbecome more positive. Essentially, this is the principle behindspiritual warfare. If you thoughts remain governed by a properunderstanding of Scripture, good behavior and emotions will flow fromthose thoughts. I think that right thinking is essential. In theprevious related post concerning resources for healing, I mentionedTheLies We Believe and the great companionworkbook by Chris Thurman and a similar book by David Stoopcalled YouAre What You Think. These Christian books can get you wellon your way to doing much of your own CBT work yourself.

Another nice thing about these books? They can help give you structure for keeping a personal journal whichfor some marvelous reason helps to speed and aid emotional healing. I have an associate who once saw data from a study quoted by MarciaMeans which showed that writing with pen and paper actually helpedenhance healing of the mind and emotions. However, I have also heardpeople claim that the bilateral use of hands to type on a keyboardcreates the same effect that EMDR achieves which helps reintegratethe brain. Either way, keeping a journal daily and expressing yourfeelings in some kind of written form does accelerate healing.

EMDR

But on to the mysterious EMDR – EyeMovement Desensitization and Reprocessing. EMDR encompasses the sameprinciples of CBT and adds to them the additional (verygoal-oriented) focus on the body's felt sense to the healing processin a way that dramatically speeds therapy. (The most promisingtherapies for PTSD and depression, according to the newest researchhave been somatic therapies or those therapies which focus on bodysensation, body movement, and felt sense. Some call this“mindfulness.”) A good place to start to learn more would bethe EMDR website's generalinformation and their FAQspage. (The drop down tabs at the top of thewebpage will also provide you with lots of info.) This website also offers a description of the process.

In depression and in trauma inparticular, it is as if the different parts of the brain loose theirability to work smoothly together. The right cerebral hemispherefocuses on feeling, and the left focuses on analytical thought andreason, and based on personality preference, the overwhelmed personwill try to “live” in only one side. They will try to avoidfeelings, or they will be incapacitated because they find that theyare unable to avoid them. At the same time, other areas of the brainbecome overactive (such as those structures involved in survival),and some become underactive, producing a less than healthy state andpractical level of function. Signs of this that we see translate asdepression, an inability to concentrate, or unpleasant memories thatbecome triggered and invade our focus, etc..

By stimulating the mind and the body tothink about how the body feels while simultaneously stimulatingseveral very different parts of the brain to work together at thesame time through feeling and movement, basically, the technique ofEMDR helps the brain realign itself and reintegrate so that it cansmoothly work together again. While the separate areas of the braincome back into balance, the technique also realigns the person'sthought and ability to feel physical sensation that the bodyexperiences, so it teaches a new level of self awareness whichultimately improves a person's ability to respond to new difficultexperiences in the future. In that sense, part of the healinginvolves a level of physical self-awareness which also helps alignthese areas of the brain.

In depression and non-complex PTSD,EMDR producescomplete relief of symptoms without medication or otherintervention in 75% of adults without a history of childhoodPTSD/dysfunction during a limited 12 week comparison study withcontinued improvement upon six month follow up. Adults whoexperienced some type of depression or trauma as children experiencedcomplete symptom relief at a rate of 33% in only 12 weeks. ([We]just need to work at it a little longer to develop the skill andcoping ability that [we] failed to develop inchildhood.) Explore additionalresearch HERE.

At the level of neuroanatomy andphysiology, as I understand the process and for those with interestin the technical aspect, the focus on the the way the body feels asit moves stimulates an area in the pre-frontal cortex (PFC, a part ofthat thinking area in the brain's higher cerebral cortex) which seemsto have a natural and reflexive calming action on the survival systemareas in the brain (the basal ganglia) which becomes very overactivein trauma and in depression. This is why mindful walking, yoga, taichi, meditation, hypnosis, massage, acupuncture and any repetitivemovement which requires the body to both move and focus on thesensations of the body helps in trauma – because they cause thatmedial PFC to become active, the area that appears to be our only“switch” which allows us to modulate and calm those structures ofthe brain that regulate the survival response. (In trauma orclinical depression, the idea of distraction or “Don't thinkabout the negative” message that one tends to hear in noutheticor typical types of “Biblical” counseling actually works againsthealing. Pastoral counseling can certainly be an adjunct to healing if it enhances the healing of the underlying physiology of trauma.) If you're struggling with overwhelming (irrational)emotion, EMDR presents a very targeted way of contending with thoseemotions and helps reunite thought and emotion.

A session of EMDR involves theidentification of an underlying negative thought and establishes thedesired healthy thought objectively and as a measure of intensity ofdiscomfort of the idea which gauges progress. Then, while thetherapist guides the client to focus intently on how they feel inbody and mind in response to the underlying negative thought thatfuels the experience of depression or trauma, the therapist usesrapid bilateral stimulation of the body of some type (eye movementback and forth via tracking an object or light, alternately “tapping”the right and left sides of the body, or through sound alternatingfrom right to left through a device) as the client focuses on theiroverwhelming and painful emotion. The therapist watches the clientfor cues and varies the speed of the stimulation to achieve eitherliberation of the negative emotion (from the vantage of safety) sothat the person can “think through it” and make sense of it, orthey can use the speed and pattern of the movement or stimulation toreinforce pleasant emotion (accompanied by the client's spontaneousideas or epiphanies that they experience once they've pushed throughthe negative emotion).

The aptly named process thus guidesthe client into a desensitization to their experience of painfulmemory (so that it no longer feels overwhelming, ongoing, or part ofthat relived type of re-experienced memory that is typical oftrauma). The memories of events remain, but the desensitized clientcan access the memory without that deep and threatening sense ofoverwhelming and invading emotion that tend to trigger the perceptionof threat. It becomes like any other memory instead. Thereprocessing aspect concerns the CBT element of drawing on rationalthought which allows the client to put the experience intoperspective.

Shadowspring, a blogger who discussesher recovery after spiritual abuse speaks highly of her experienceusing EMDR as a powerful help in her journey to find healing andwholeness. HEREis the link to many posts on her blog discussing her experiencewith the therapy. I have also been a very pleased recipient of thebenefits of EMDR myself, after years of CBT alone which did nothingto alleviate the PTSD component of my symptoms. Particularly whendealing with issues of childhood trauma, I believe that EMDR presentsthe current ideal type of therapy. It will certainly save you time,money, and perhaps the necessity of medication (which I believe canbe helpful in the early stages of treatment, especially whenaccompanied by physical pain and illness).

Develop a WorkingList of Affordable Practitioners

So stated reasons, Iwould recommend finding an EMDR therapist first, then I wouldnarrow down possibilities by asking certain questions related to yourparticular therapy need. And word of mouth and the recommendation of friends is also a most valuable resource, too. The next consideration for most peoplelikely concerns finding a provider that participates with theirinsurance plan if they have one. Visit the referral engine atwww.emdr.com on theirsite HERE (and take note of their “Hints” on how tobest use the search engine which is quite important).

Narrow Down YourWorking List

The NationalAssociation for Christian Recovery site features a nice andgeneral list of questions to ask a potential therapist as well as alist of Christian counseling organizations. It offers good adviceand is well worth reading through.

For stated reasons, I'm less inclinedto start my search with the list of organizations they offer, asNouthetic counselors can be members of some of the groups listed (mygeneral, negative thoughts concerning nouthetic counseling can befoundHERE). You may choose to try to cross-reference referrals fromthe EMDR site and from these Christian organizations, or you maychoose to navigate directly from one of these groups:

Here is my own tailored list ofsuggestions that one might ask a therapist, once you've created aworking list of possible providers:

Qualifications and Credentials. Once you've narrowed down some possible candidates in your local areathat ideally work with your insurance provider, ask questions aboutcredentials. I highly recommend finding a therapist with a moreclinically oriented background and would avoid some of the study fromhome counseling programs that do not include instruction in realmental health disorders. You can also check with your state to seewho they consider to be legitimate licensed or certifiedpractitioners. In my own state, a practitioner with under a fullyear of full time experience in counseling can work independently,and their credentials can give you some indication of their level ofexperience.

Focused Care for Dealing withProblems Arising from Dysfunctional Families. If you'veresponded to the material in this series of blog posts, beforedeciding to schedule a session with a therapist, find out whetheryour therapist appreciates the addictions and recovery approach or a Twelve Steps approach to therapy (I've used a codependency andrecovery model to address child development in these posts, so if youresponded to them, it would likely be wise to find a practitioner whoalso approaches matters from the same perspective.) Some counselorsdo not take this approach or specialize in different types oftherapy.

Ask about their favorite authors,books and researchers. I also prefer the brain based approach totherapy because of the objective nature of the new findingsconcerning mental health. Ask the therapist if they are familiarwith “three camera SPECT” studies or the writings of Daniel Amenwho specializes in these types of brain imaging. Ask who theirfavorite researchers are concerning trauma, and if Bessel Van derKolk, Peter Levine, or anyone associated with The Meadows facilityin Wickensburg, AZ or The Trauma Center in Boston, MA, you've verylikely found a fairly good practitioner who takes an approach tothese topics that is similar to my own (if the material on this blogspeaks to you.)

What does the therapist require ofthe client? Ask whether the therapist assigns homework orrequires clients to do certain reading related to the therapy. Dothey also encourage or require you to journal? What does thetherapist expect of a client?

How do they evaluate progress? I tend to prefer to seek care from a practitioner who writes a planof care and evaluates that plan on a regular basis. Ideally, theclient (you) should initially work with the therapist to establishvery clear and easily evaluated goals for your work together. (Agood therapist will show skill at setting goals and working with youto establish measurable and meaningful goals to guide your work with them.)

… And these ideas should give youa place to start!

Finding Healing Through the Twelve Steps: Recovery from the Emotional Wounds of Childhood (and from Spiritual Abuse)

2012-01-26T04:00:00.001-05:00

Once you've realized that you've gotemotional wounds left over from your childhood and where they camefrom, where do you go? I go to the Cross. In terms of the specificproblems that arise from the particular emotional wounds that governthe way my flesh tends to act, I show myself responsible to God andothers using the framework of the Twelve Steps – the only viablehope of healing that I have to offer anyone.

My Journey of Acceptance

As part of my training as a nurse, andthrough classes that focused on the primary health problems ofadults, I spent time observing care in the clinical settings of drugand alcohol rehab facilities. At the tender age of 19 and 20, thisexperience taught me a some vital and very moving lessons about myown nature and myself. One day, I was in South Philadelphiaobserving a group therapy session with addicted teens, and as Ilistened to their stories, I had a very dramatic epiphany. At theend of the session, I asked the therapist if I could address thegroup, and he graciously complied. I explained to those teens at aninpatient detox ward that the only real difference that I could seebetween us was that rather than turn to drugs or alcohol to deal withmy own pain, I turned to other things. I turned, primarily, toperformance (through work and school) and to religion.

It felt important for me to verbalizethat to the group, because I recognized that I was no different thanany of them. I'd suffered feelings and family issues anddisappointments and circumstances that were in some real wayidentical to their own. I had an important epiphany about the natureof my own development, and I think that God graciously allowed me tohave that experience so that I could feel comfortable finding helplater. The therapy session ended, and I was in the center of a massof weeping and hugging from those kids, and I knew that I'd learned avery important life lesson that day. It put me in mind of the oldsaying from TheShadow: “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?” I certainly shared the same pain and what seemed to me at the timelike too many uncanny common experiences with theseyoung addicts. I had non-chemical addictions. Today, I am sograteful to God for putting that powerful and defining moment into mylife, because I was quite ready and willing to admit thesimilarities.

Jump forward with me a bit to theweeks before my wedding. I vividly remember being told as afive year old child that my wedding was the one day in my life that Icould do whatever and could have whatever I wanted. For reasonsrelated to my own dysfunction (!), I spent a long time lookingforward to that promised day, only to realize that it wasn't going toturn out as I'd always hoped. My mother waged a war of controlagainst what seemed like my every effort and disapproved of so much,even though I paid for all of the expenses myself (and even elementsof that became a struggle with her). I ended up weeping on the phoneto the wife of the minister who was coming into town to perform apart of the ceremony, overwhelmed with the pain that was resultingfrom what I thought was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. She suggested a couple of books, and asked me if I could approach mymother to ask her for her blessing. GarySmalley's books were quite popular at the time, and TheBlessing was one of his themes. When I expressed that thiswas almost unthinkable, the pastor's wife and dear friend asked me ifI'd ever read or would consider reading Loveis a Choice. I didn't. I didn't want to think about beingone of those crazies on a talk show, whining and whimpering, and Ifelt a great deal of disgust at the prospect of anything like that.

Jump again with me to my earlytwenties and my first official experience as an assistantnurse manager (so I could be on day shift with limited weekends!!!),but a job that I learned later chewed up numbers of people and spitthem out, before I got there and after I left. After three weeks, Iwanted to resign and melted into a puddle of brokenness in mysupervisor's office, brutally aware of how limited I really was, atthe end of myself and in the face of so much human need. Long storyshort, I went straight away to read Loveis a Choice at herrecommendation. Shortly thereafter, I read Stoop'stransforming book, but I also learned throughanother book that like the majority of people who work in helpingprofessions, more than 90% of nurses classified as “dysfunctional”(as it was associated with addiction) and also had high degrees ofobsessive-compulsive disorder. I did qualify for a spot on a talkshow couch at that point, and I could not deny it. Not with hardresearch in front of me, and especially not without discounting theprecious wisdom of that pastor's wife and the powerful experiencesI'd had training as a nurse. The puzzle pieces started comingtogether, and though difficult, I saw answers to the problems that Istruggled with so desperately for so long. I didn't like thepicture, but the fact that there was a workable picture filled mewith hope and freed me from condemnation.

At this same time, I still felt veryuncomfortable when people devalued my religious ideas, believingwrongly that their reactions made more of a statement about them thatthey did about me. (This is no longer the case, but I lived itthen.) I was also very uncomfortable with the anti-religion biasheld by many in the field of mental health, and I struggled with thismaterial as I completed my training in nursing. Trying to figure outhow my religious beliefs fit into the practical needs of patientswith mental health disorders challenged that very dogmatic positionthat I learned while growing up in an uptight and easily intimidatedquadrant of evangelical Christianity. This was, of course,compounded by my own emotional developmental deficits, the subject ofthis series of posts. I lived as a “victim of circumstance” byan external locus of control, gauging my worth and peace based on theopinions of others.

On my very first day working as avolunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center (after I left my few months atthat nurse-devouring, impossible job!), the husband of thewoman training me came in, and pretty much took over that day. (CPCwork was my alternative to the then very active RandallTerry who was in the throws of getting thrown in jail for hisabortion clinic protesting.) I sat back and watched this woman'shusband talk with a couple of high school girls who wandered in afterschool. He was a resident, a physician, in the psychiatry program ata local hospital, and I struck up a conversation with him. Iapproached the topic with my discomfort in tow, and as a Christian,this man dramatically changed my outlook. When I asked how he couldcope with the anti-Christian bias and the evolutionary premise inthat particular area of medicine, he rocked my world. He said thathe focused on the Christian message of the Twelve Steps, and fromthat vantage, he found a powerful place to not only make sense ofthings, but found a platform for Christian ministry within theprofession. Here again was another puzzle piece that fit right intomy picture. The Christian texts on the subject of recovery andcodependency all boil down to a central message of hope based on aquote from a written prayer of ReinholdNeibuhr:

God, give us thegrace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,Courage to changethe things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish thedifference the one from the other.

Living one day ata time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as thepathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is –not as I would have it. Trusting that You will make all thingsright, if I surrender to your will. So that I might be reasonablyhappy in this life, and supremely happy with you forever in the next.

Amen

Ever hear of the duck test? If itwalks like a duck, talks like a duck, and looks like one, then it's aduck. I could not deny that I was unavoidably dysfunctional, amessage that my life repeated and repeated, in grace and love. Whoknows what dysfunction lurks in the hearts of men? I saw or at leastbegan to accept myself in this way, just as I think that Paul sawhimself as the chief of sinners. And my work of healing wasdefinitely not yet complete.

The Hope of All Healing

I could try to reinvent the wheel,writing a history of the development of the Twelve Steps, but I willlet you do some of that exploration on your own. (I've alreadylisted many resources.) I could also go into a defense of the TwelveSteps, because I understand that some Christians say that they areflawed because they recommend starting from where you are – comingto God as you understand Him. They are offended that in order tohelp people start from where they are, they refer to God as aless-defined “Higher Power.” I hear that some claim that this isblasphemy, because we should meet God where He is – that we must goto Him, addressing Him in the most appropriate way (though many whostart the journey are very unacquainted with Him, even by name). Noteveryone has that knowledge, so they are encouraged to start thejourney honestly from where they find themselves. (I'm no longer toouptight or overly concerned with how other people put things intoperspective when it comes to starting the journey in this sense. I'mtoo overwhelmed with my own limitations, shall we say.)

All I can tell you is that I believeand know that He pulled me out of the miry clay, and I don't thinkthat I am at all capable of getting to Him without his lovingkindness and intervention. But I believe that I know who He is, andI a responsible for myself and focus on my own approach. I do thatthrough the approach laid out in the Bible.

That is really the core of all that Ihave to offer to anyone as a message of hope, when you strip away thedetails. God is God, and we are not. And as I understand God frommy vantage, He is pretty specific about His Name, identity, andcharacter. We must acknowledge our limitations and ascribe to Godthe power that is only His, and I believe that this is not fullypossible without believing in and confessing faith in Jesus theMessiah. I am powerless and weak, but in Him and through His help, Ibecome whole and strong. And I am on a lifelong journey of desire toknow Him in ways most clear, starting from where I am and how Iunderstand Him. Along the way and through that devotion, Hetransforms me into His image, day by day. My life has been a processof knowing Him better, developing the right opinion of Him and of allthings about Him, starting from where I am. Only He can deliver usfrom shame and only He can fill us.

Shame of Sin

Essentially, the message of dysfunctionboils down to original sin, and we must acknowledge that we are notGod and that He is. All of our shame ultimately traces back to ourshame that we are not like Him but desire to be. Isn't that thecondition of everyone? Doesn't that make us all "dysfunctional?"

If you happen to be reading here andare an atheist or have huge problems with God and how you fit withthe concept of a “Higher Power,” you'll have to figure out how toput that into perspective. I offer what I have to encourage people,and this is the only meaning that I find remotely satisfying thathelps me make sense of things in my life. I don't offer this messageas one of condemnation – I offer it because it is all I have togive. Everyone has to find the glue that holds their lives togetherin a meaningful way, allowing them to live a meaningful life. I hopethat all at least find a way to live a meaningful life, and that isthe work of every individual. This is message is the fruit of mine.

As mentioned in previous posts, theNational Association forChristian Recovery offers much wisdom on this topic, in additionto otherresources presented here. Their site features a veryuser-friendly search engine, and near the bottom right hand of theirhome page in the right hand sidebar, they also list links to otherChristian organizations (Ministry Partners) that also present themessage of recovery. Between the resource list and these links, youcan find more help and guidance than I could ever begin to provide. I hope that all these things will be a help to you on your journey.

The Twelve Steps ofRecovery

We admitted we were powerless over ourseparation from God—that our lives had become unmanageable. (Romans7:18)
Wecame to believe that a Power greater than ourselves couldrestore us to sanity. (Philippians2:13)
We made a decision to turn our will andour lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him. (Romans12:1)
We made a searching and fearless moralinventory of ourselves. (Lamentations3:40)
We admitted to God, to ourselves, andto another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. (James5:16)
We were entirely ready to have Godremove all these defects of character. (James4:10)
We humbly asked him to remove ourshortcomings. (IJohn 1:9)
We made a list of all persons we hadharmed and became willing to make amends to them all. (Luke6:31)
We made direct amends to such peoplewhenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (Matthew5:23-24)
We continued to take personal inventorywhen we were wrong and promptly admitted it. (1Corinthians 10:12)
We sought through prayer and meditationto improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him,praying only for knowledge of His will and for the power to carrythat out. (Colossians3:16)
Having had a spiritual awakening as theresult of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, andto practice these principles in all our affairs. (Galatians6:1)

The Three EASY Things You Can Do to Stop Abuse at Hephzibah House

2012-01-25T12:14:00.000-05:00

For those of who have become withHephzibah House and other teen homes run by IndependentFundamentalist Baptists (IFB), you will understand the significanceof the need for legislation to stop the abuse that takes place inthese "private boarding homes." Because of the denialabout the true conditions in these homes and because of the beliefthat this extreme abuse is required by God to save souls, the IFBwill do nothing to address the abject abuse of children within theirranks and sphere of influence.

Because group homes claim to be privatehomes, they have free reign to conduct activities in any manner theysee fit, abusing residents with impunity. Abused children become thecasualties, sacrificial lambs who are offered up under the guise ofthe preservation of religious and private liberty. Currently, thesemoney making group homes for troubled children and teens fall underthe same legal definition of a private home or a church, and thegovernment has no recourse to intervene on behalf of the residentswithin them.

Please let your elected representativeknow that you wish to place limits on the free reign of group homeslike Hephzibah House to limit the abject abuse that takes placewithin them. State Law in Indiana makes investigation of reports ofthe child abuse that takes place at Hephzibah House nearlyimpossible, and StopChild Abuse in Residential Programs for Teens Act wouldrequire such homes to meet certain minimal regulatory standards.

The Three Easy ThingsThat You Can Do:

Link Below to Supportthe Effort

Clickon each of the three linksto register your support and opinion with Congress)

Link to Popvox to support H.R. 3126 (2011) in the House
Link to Popvox to support S. 1667 (2011) in the Senate
Link to Popvox to support the older 2009 version as H.R. 911 (Just because you can!)

The referralengine at Popvox will determine your location and will route amessage of support to your elected officials regarding the bills, andyou can chose to add your own material and information to theautomated response.

About the StopChild Abuse in Residential Programs for Teens Act (2009, 2011)

According to the Congressional ResearchService Summary:

Directsthe Assistant Secretary for Children and Families of the Departmentof Health and Human Services to require each location of a coveredprogram to meet specified minimum standards if individually ortogether with other locations it has an effect on interstatecommerce. Defines "covered program" as one operated by apublic or private entity that with respect to one or more childrenunrelated to the program owner or operator: (1) provides aresidential environment; and (2) operates with a focus on servingchildren with emotional, behavioral, or mental health problems ordisorders, or problems with alcohol or substance abuse. Directs theAssistant Secretary to: (1) implement an ongoing review process forinvestigating and evaluating reports of child abuse and neglect; (2)establish public websites with information about each coveredprogram, as well as a national toll-free telephone hotline to receivecomplaints; (3) establish civil penalties for violations ofstandards; and (4) establish a process to ensure that complaintsreceived by the hotline are promptly reviewed by persons withappropriate expertise.

Read more about the originalAct HERE and a fact sheet about thecurrent version HERE.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCESand INFORMATION

HepzibahHouse Information and Resources for Survivors at Under Much Grace!

Additional Resources Offsite:

Podcasts

Jeri Massi's Lambs of Hephzibah House podcasts

Survivor Blogs

Hephzibah Girls Blog (Susan Grotte's blogspot; This site includes copies of documents distributed to families by Ron Williams.)
Former Hephzibah Girls (Visit their links page for more links on activism.)
HephzibahHouse.com
Voices of the Past

Social Media

Facebook

MySpace

Shame Based and Immature Parenting Creates Victims of Circumstance and Dependency on Self (External Locus of Control)

2012-01-25T05:00:00.000-05:00

We've now considered the two primaryways that a damaged or immature parent takes from their child(unloading shame and by siphoning back nurture) which we understandresults from a parent's disrespect for the child's characteristics(and needs). With that background, we can now better understand howadults, both parents and grown children, cope with the sense ofemptiness that they face. As we've noted in the most recent posts,the parent has two drives and needs of their own. They need to bothpurge shame and gain their own worth, and they pass this“multigenerational faithfulness” down to their children becausethe have nothing else to give to them. The immature adult must thenlook to other sources to find worth, peace, safety and soothingelements so that they can cope with the pressures and problems oflife.

As we've discussed, the parent usestheir child to meet their inner needs. In the diagram, note that theparent holds a part of the child hostage through the dependency thehave on the child, and the child draws worth from the relationship. But what happens when the parent disappears or the child becomesseparated from the parent?

The child is left with their own sense ofemptiness, and they must try to find ways to function. They must dowhat their parents have done, and they will opportunistically findways to fill their inner emptiness. The child learns to draw worthform their performance (caring for others as they cared for theparent, through good opinions that others have of them, and throughoutward things like their appearance, or good circumstances. Allpeople tend to do this to build up their optimism, they have a fullhearts and an intact sense of self. The do not depend on theseoutward things as their sole source of good experience.

The immature, empty, and shamed parentoperates only external sources of good feelings. They work very hardto avoid the shame they feel as well as the emptiness, and theybecome rigid and tired in this process. They tend to becomeintolerant and demanding because they avoid facing their unpleasantemotions by controlling whatever they can in their world. Asmentioned before, the parent avoids shame by punishing theimperfection of their child because they cannot tolerate their ownemotions. When successful, they believe that they've conquered theemotion, but they've only managed to avoid it. It becomes a rewardfor their attempt to control, creating the illusion that they arepowerful and free. They learn how to manipulate others so that theirbehavior works to help them feel better and helps them avoid theirinternal pain.

The other ways that an immature adultavoids their inner pain comes through performance, basing their worthand peace on their successes. This is often why certain peoplebecome very driven to accomplish and why they work so hard in theirvocations, as they have learned to find their worth and peace outsideof themselves through their own effort. They trick themselves intobelieving that they are controlling things that are well outside oftheir influence. Though people can be responsible with money, it ispossible to end up in circumstances beyond their control where theycan owe more or need more money than they can obtain or earn. Peoplecan take impeccable care of their home, but in the event of anearthquake or a flood, that person's efforts to prevent harm to theirhome cannot protect them. We can do all we can to have good health,but quite often, we can end up developing diseases that are farbeyond our ability to control. Or a person can be the very best attheir profession, but kind of work that they do can become obsolete. So this system of looking outside of one's self to find worth andpeace works well only when a person can perform well and only whencircumstances are very good. But what happens on rainy days?

As we all well know when depending onpeace and worth from things outside of ourselves, we are destined forheartache. Life is full of a great many things that are well-beyondour sphere of control. When the people from whom a person derivesworth dies or becomes parted from them, and when they experience thethe painful processes of life, they go right back to the beginning ofthe process. When they fail or when the illusion of control fallsapart (as it does in life at some point), the person is left to againface their sense of shame and their lack of worth which feels likeworthlessness. Some people appear to do well in the process, butthey mask the pain of the rainy day.

Of course, for the Christian, thesolution to the problem should be rather simple through realizingthat human beings are imperfect and limited but finding one'sidentity in Christ will fill our hearts and our emptiness. He healsus of our toxic shame which Jesus bore on the Cross for us that wemight have no condemnation. We can put our faith and trust in Him toheal us and fill us up, and then on the rainy days in life, we canhave worth in Him and enduring peace in the storm. At its root, thereliance on external things to find peace and worth is no differentthan original sin. Man tricks himself into the idea of believingthat he can control his life, powerful enough and strong enough tobuild up his own sense of peace and worth. But we can only get sofar when we do this.

In my own life and in my own journeyout of shame, performance, and low worth because I derived my worthfrom the esteem of others, I think that a good bit of my life hasbeen the “fear and trembling” of repenting of all of the waysI've tried to deal with shame and low worth on my own instead. Manyreligious people do the same thing with their attempts to accomplishthings in Jesus' Name to accomplish great things for Him. Theydetermine what they think they need to do, then go about doing thosethings in their own strength through their own effort. We all gettricked into thinking that we are more powerful than we are,forgetting that without Him, we can do nothing. There is no switchthat flips that releases us from the trappings of being parented byan immature person, and in fact, that plight is very much the sameplight that all mankind suffers – the illusion and desire to bepowerful enough that we do not need God. We must spend our liveslearning that.

It is sad to realize that manyChristian systems teach others to be limited and dependent and thattheir only sense of self worth and self esteem can come fromfollowing the rules that they develop. It is our human tendency tobelieve, also, that we must merit the goodness that God shows to usin abundance because of His loving kindness and disposition of gracetoward us. In unhealthy parenting, the parent primes the child toaccept only outside sources of love and worth. This creates a greatfoothold for manipulators to be able to hurt and use the adult who isempty and full of shame. Religious systems can exploit that toxiclevel of undeserved shame that we feel, making it quite easy to graband use as a handle to twist us through condemnation and legalism.

I believe that for the girls who foundtheir way to HephzibahHouse, the abuse they suffered there only added to the shame andemptiness that many had before they ever arrived there. It primedthem to become the victims of Ron and Patti Williams (theproprietors), as they used the HephzibahGirls to bolster their own illusion of control so that they couldward off the darkness of shame and emptiness in their own hearts. Inthat sense, Ron Williams is far more pathetic than anyone who hasever been in his care, as he used people as objects to ward off hisown pain. How much pain and emptiness must be in his heart to drivehim to go to such extreme lengths to avoid his own negative feelings? But sadly, he chose to make victims of the girls there, teachingthem to become even more powerless and greater victims ofcircumstance.

Upcoming posts will focus on powerlessness, failure to self-protect

and the specifics about the compulsion to repeat or reenact trauma

as well as additional information about PTSD.

Information About Hephzibah House and Resources for Survivors

2012-01-25T03:00:00.000-05:00

INFORMATION ABOUTHEPHZIBAH HOUSE

Overview

Susan Grotte's Account
CNN Report, September 2, 2011
Kathryn Joyce's July/August 2011 article on IFB Teen Home Abuse (Offsite link)
B log Talk Radio Episodes
- Intro to abuse in the IFB
  - Listen to internet radio with jocelyn andersen on Blog Talk Radio
- Learned Helplessness in the former Hephzibah Girls
  - Listen to internet radio with jocelyn andersen on Blog Talk Radio
- Interview with Susan Grotte (a 29 month resident of HH in the '80s)
  - Listen to internet radio with jocelyn andersen on Blog Talk Radio

Physical Abuse

Williams' sermon on the Correction and Salvation of Children
Personal Accounts
Jeri Massi addresses the correct interpretation of “chastisement” in Hebrews 12 (offsite at HephzibahGirls.com
- Similar onsite post featuring Jeri's translation of paideia (chastisement understood as nurture) concerning hermeneutics and Michael Pearl

Misogyny and “Strange Women”(young children who are said to have the soul of a prostitute)

ABUSE AND MINDCONTROL

AT HEPHZIBAH HOUSE

(Lucinda Penningtonoften featured as an exemplar)

Understanding Altered Memory in MindControl (a focus on HH)

How Doctrine Over Person has Affected Lucinda Pennington
- Sycophant for a Sociopath does Damage Control
Final Review and Summary of Doctrine Over Person (summary of posts about created history under the pressure of thought reform with a focus on HH)
- Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast and the Ingram Family (Family who creates, accepts and believes an alternate version of reality under the pressure of thought reform and interrogation)
- Transformed Memory in a POW Camp (a way of coping with mind control)
- Reaffirming the Myth (how and why victims change their memories and believe falsehood as a coping response to mind control)
- Changing Memory to Gain an Abuser's Approval (Martin on mind control)
- Using Denial Results in Altered Memory (more Martin on surviving mind control)
- Altered States of Consciousness Contribute to Altered Memory (how mind control adversely affects a person's ability to think and their mental development)
- The Role of Trauma/PTSD in Altered Memory (trauma as a physical process; nouthetic counseling can inhibit healing from PTSD)

Trauma within Families BeforeHephzibah House: Children Primed for Victimization
(**Read the whole series on a single web page on the archive site by linking HERE. Then, you don't have to navigate from post to post.)

Punishing a Child for Behaving Like a Child
Five Characteristics of Children (Priming them for Continued Victimization (how children can be misunderstood and abused)
- Faulty Ideas about Self-Love and Self Esteeem
- Training Children to Have No Personal Boundaries (and how this creates abusers)
- Perfection Primes Children for Victimization
- Degrees of Neglect and Abuse (lack of care for children's needs)
- Intolerance of a Child's Age Appropriate Immaturity
Healing through the Twelve Steps
How to Find a Counselor
Journey Out of Shame: A List of Resources

How Abuse of Children Makes AdultsBecome “Victims of Circumstance”
(Read the three blog posts defining Victims of Circumstances on a single web page at the archive site by linking HERE. Then you don't have to navigate from post to post.)

Responding to Those Who Challenge the Former Hephzibah Girls
Victims of Circumstance through External Worth and Peace
Shame-Based Parenting
Enmeshed Parenting

Post Traumatic Stress and theAffects of Abuse

Note previous posts on this subject
Upcoming posts in January/February 2012
Shattered Optimism in PTSD (and its role in self-protection)
Learned Helplessness and Bounded Choice at Hephzibah House
The Freezing Response (Immobility) in Response to Threat

STOP THE ABUSE

Three Easy Ways You Can Help Stop Abuse At Hephzibah House

OFFSITE RESOURCES

Podcasts

Jeri Massi's Lambs of Hephzibah House podcasts

Survivor Blogs

Hephzibah Girls Blog (Susan Grotte's blogspot; This site includes copies of documents distributed to families by Ron Williams.)
Former Hephzibah Girls (Visit their links page for more links on activism.)
HephzibahHouse.com
Voices of the Past

Social Media

Facebook

MySpace

How Dysfunctional Parents Siphon Resources Back from a Child, Depriving them of Healthy Self-Development

2012-01-24T05:00:00.001-05:00

In the previous post, we discussed howchildren lack internal resources which the parent provides to them sothat they can develop their own sense of self, internal peace andwhat many authors describe as a sense of abundance.

Healthy parentsunderstand that their children cannot tolerate or process manyaspects of living because of the natural characteristics of children. They understand that they are immature and dependent. When thechild reaches maturity, ideally, they've developed a sense andpersonal worth as well as a sense of peace about being alive and okayin the world.

In the diagram, an empty beakerrepresents the child's lack of resources, and a heart represents thehealthy adult sense of self. Parents that tend to be full of shameunload their shame onto their children, but this is not the only waythat a parent uses a child when they fail to respect theirdevelopmental needs.

The enmeshed parent uses their child in aslightly different way. As we will see in the next postto come, both of these patterns set up the child to become an adultwho does not look to who they are in Christ to find worth but obtainsall of their sense of worth and peace from performance,circumstances, and the esteem of others.

Quick Review of Enmeshment (arecap of the Vulnerability/Boundariespost)

Loosing sight of the fact that theirchildren lack boundaries, a strong sense of self, and experiencenegotiating rights and responsibilities in relationships, or if theyfail to recognize and honor the immaturity of their children, theycan find the attention and love that their child has for them to benearly irresistible. The dysfunctional parent shares inappropriateemotional intimacy with the child, drawing them into the world ofadults in some sense, by treating them as a peer. The relationshiplacks the friction encountered in their adult relationships, and itseems to the needy parent that the child has become their friend andcompanion.

A parent can use a child in many ways,though we have only described the ways a parent my use a child fortheir own emotional benefit at the expense of the child. This typeof abuse becomes sexually tagged when the parent focuses excessivelyon gender, and an iconic example of this is the “Daddy's LittleGirl” or “Mommy's Little Man” type of relationship.

This type of prolonged relationshipcreates marital problems within the nuclear family because theenmeshed parent and child will become more tightly bound andemotionally intimate with one another and almost inevitably exceedsthe intimacy shared between the parents. This tends to alienate theother parent and it is thought to set up problematic lifelongrelationship patterns for the child. (For more information on thesetypes of relationship problems, pleasevisit Overcoming Botkin Syndrome and explore specificrelationship topics via the link list.)

Consequences for the Child

This creates multiple problems for thechild.

First, because the parent utilizes thechild as a source of support, in effect, they siphon backto themselves the love and energy that the child needs to helpdevelop their own sense of self and wholeness. The child becomesdependent upon the parent for their internal sense of peace andwholeness which is appropriate when they are very young butincreasingly inappropriate as the child matures. As the childmatures and ventures into situations wherein they cannot rely on theparent, it creates a great deal of anxiety for them when they cannothave access to them.

Secondly, though the child enjoys somegratification and sense of specialness because they are so valuableto the parent, this benefit comes at a terribly high price. Thechild learns rather quickly that they have also become responsiblefor meeting their parents' needs for support. Because of their ownneeds and lack, this responsibility becomes overwhelming for them.

They learn self-worth throughcare taking behaviors and performance, and they feel shameover their inability to comfortably meet demands because they aregiven responsibility without authority. When the momentsarise when it is blatantly obvious that they are not really theirparent's peer or the parent behaves differently with them in thepresence of others, they also feel a great deal of shame. These children learn that love is about duty and the overwhelminganxiety and pressure they feel on a regular bases leaves them feelingdead inside.

And as previously mentioned, thesechildren become consumed with the overwhelming needs and concerns oftheir parent. Their own life is displaced by the concerns, the reality, and quite often with the shame of the parent. Instead of awareness of self, the child's inner world must be negated(their heart denied) in favor of the adult's experience, wants, andneeds.

In the next post:

How lack of respectfor the characteristics of a child creates

adults that arevictims of circumstance.

Shame-based Parenting Fills a Child's Heart with Shame Instead of Love: Disrespect for Children that Tilled the Soil for Abuse at Hephzibah House

2012-01-23T03:00:00.000-05:00

If you recall, this latest discussionhere concerning developmental problems and deficits in children cameabout after a supporter of Ron Williams, the proprietor of HephzibahHouse (HH), published ablog post that challenges those HH Survivors who have comeforward to tell of the abject abuse and terrible conditions theysuffered while incarcerated there. There are many other IndependentFundamentalist Baptist (IFB) homes of this type where childrensuffer these same conditions right now, every day. KathrynJoyce wrote an excellent,must-read article describing several of these homes where youngmen and women live in and under unthinkable conditions as punishmentunder the guise of rehabilitation through religion.

Though the lasting psychologicalconsequences of the extreme conditions in these homes results in aloss of healthy perspective for the survivors, based on the historiesof the children who are sent to IFB reform homes, many of the homeswherein they were raised laid the foundations for unhealthy thinkingbefore those children ever made it to these facilities. I believethat to fully healfrom the abuse experience, the survivor must look deeper intotheir history to find the roots of the patterns that were intensifiedand exploited at HH. I believe that an essential part of healing formany of the survivors involves examining the developmental factorsthat originated with the their families of origin.

The focus in recent posts hereconcerning the special qualities, characteristics, and needs ofchildren addresses those roots of victimization, but they are highlyapplicable to many who have experienced all sorts of spiritual abuse. Parents must accepta child's qualities of self-centeredness, their boundless energy, andtheir resilience so that they can form realisticexpectations about the child's capabilities. These qualities,the gifts of childhood, create characteristics that a parentmust respect and anticipate because their children are valuable, vulnerable, imperfect, dependent, and immature whilethey are growing up.

In healthy parenting, though the job isnot easy and the parent grows and learns along with the child as theycontinue to learn and grow in their own development, the parentrealizes that the child lacks experience, reason, and capabilities(pictured as the empty beaker in the sense of self of the child). Anurturing parent provides for these needs of their children untilthey are sure that the child can perform these tasks themselves. Thehealthy adult holds resources that the child lacks and shares withthem with the child from the abundance of resources inside them whichthey hopefully built in their own childhoods (represented by theheart in the diagram). Nurture, care, and love flows from parent tochild so that eventually, the child can provide those things forthemselves, having developed their own abundance.

As we read in the review of the five basic characteristics of children, when a parent lacks understandingof their child or has a lack of their own internal resources, thatsense of abundance, worth and peace within themselves, they obviouslydo not have enough of that goodness to share. No human being isperfect, and parents often do lack their own sense of worth andpeace. They might also have their own personality-based naturalstrengths and weaknesses that interfere with communicating well withthe child. In dysfunctional families however, parents and childrendraw nurture from each other and/or they can unload theirfrustrations off on one another in unhealthy ways which create andfoster more dysfunction.

When a parent carries a great deal ofshame because of their experiences and because of the nurture andskills that they may have missed, they lack the resources toeffectively parent their children, at least in the ideal sense. Especially concerning imperfection and immaturity, we see prime examples of a parent who feels agreat deal of shame themselves. Human beings are both imperfect andare sometimes immature, and even adults enjoy a sense of their innerchildlike qualities. If a person believes false ideas including ideas that life should be fair, that they should be perfect, or thatchildren should have capabilities beyond their developmental ability,these ideas bring the parent's own internal sense of shame to thesurface.

What do we do with shame? It's anuncomfortable emotion, and when undeserved or inappropriate to bear,it's quite natural to seek to get rid of shame. Unfortunately, in aparent who carries a great deal of toxic shame through either falseideas about the reality of how life works or because they arefull of shame over the parenting they received, they usuallyunconsciously unload their own shame into their children. If shamecomprises the core experience of the parent, and this shame replacesthe parent's sense of abundance (worth, peace, and safety), they onlyhave shame to share with their child. The child becomes theirsecondary receptacle for it.

Most people do not like to dwell on orthink about the experiences that they found shaming, and for thosewho grew up in homes where they were shamed when they were verylittle, they will not consciously remember specific events. Theexperience of shame can be terrifying, and adults who carry this kindof shame through intolerance and controlling behaviors will usuallydo anything to avoid feeling these overwhelming emotions. When achild triggers shame in an aggressive or angry parent who compensatesfor their shame through control and intolerance, the parent usuallyeither shames or punishes the child.

Alice Miller writes in TheBody Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting

(pp 27 -8):

In every adultwho has suffered absue as a child lies dormant that small child'sfear of punishment at the hand of the parents if he or she shoulddare rebel against their behavior. . . .

These patterns ofchildhood will inevitably then be adopted by their victims wheneverthe fear and anxiety used on their partners and their own children,at work, in politics, wherever the fear and anxiety of the profoundlyinsecuare child can be fended off with the aid of external power. It is in this way that dictators are born; these are people with adeep-seated contempt for everyone else, people who were neverrespected as children and thus do their utmost to earn that respectat a later state with the assistance of the gigantic power they havebuilt up around them.

Parents who tend to resort topunishment and/or demonstrate high needs for control often displaycharacteristics of narcissism. Note these excerpts from a post atOvercomingBotkin Syndrome about the Narcissistic Parent in thehomeschooling's partriarchy movement:

In a most basicsense, narcissists with NPD display exaggerated self-interest becausethey are compensating for fear and high sensitivity to criticism. This exaggeration is a means of coping with and resisting thedisturbing emotions that they feel deep inside, emotions that theydeny feeling, even to themselves. Some of the hallmark featuresof NPD include personal grandiosity, an excessive need foradmiration/attention, a sense of entitlement, and a diminishedcapacity for empathy. When a person with NPD feels threatenedor becomes uncomfortably aware of their internal sense of shame andinferiority, they behave in a number of predictable ways whichcreates problems for those with whom they interact. . . .

If you are achild or partner of someone with NPD, you will find them unable tohandle any kind of criticism, resorting to demeaning tactics andintense anger when they feel threatened (though they will never letyou see that they feel threatened because of their grandiosity). They NEVER admit to wrongdoing, and when consequences force them torealize that they have failed to be perfect, they will become evenmore dramatic, emotional, and aggressive. Life is all aboutblaming other people for their shortcomings, because they are reallyjust terrified inside. Like playground bullies, they don’ttake well to open confrontation. Direct confrontation usuallybecomes explosive, as the narcissist prefers to be passive-aggressivebecause they actually fear confrontation. That makes them hardto understand, because on the exterior, they seem to seek outconflict and aggression. Considering their inner experience ofhelplessness and fear seems oxymoronic (if not impossible) when youare on the receiving end of their wrath and if you believe theirexaggerated perceptions of themselves.

Inthe next post,

readabout how a lack of abundance in the parent

createsa relationship of enmeshment with the child.

Journey Out of Shame: A List of Resources

2012-01-23T02:00:00.000-05:00

Original post 19Jun08; Update Jan2012

Almost four years has elapsed since I first developed this list of helpful books and information for coping with shame -- specifically the type of toxic shame in adulthood that results from deficits in emotional development. If you found the discussion of the characteristics of a child and how immature parenting affects adults, you will benefit greatly from these resources. Explore the whole series about the childhood roots of victimization HERE.

I've broken down the titles into Christian resources and secular ones.

CHRISTIAN RESOURCES

Concerning Emotional Developmental Deficits and Recovery

Audio and Video: “From Shame to Glory”
Presentations by Kathryn Chamberlin, LCSW-C

Kathryn attends the Fourth Presbyterian Church in Bethesda, Maryland, a church that is a member of the Evangelical Presbyterian Church denomination, following the Westminster Confession of Faith and the Heidelberg Catechism.

As you are free to note on her webpage, she holds a nursing degree from University of Virginia, a Master's Degree in Social Work from The Catholic University and certification in Biblical Counseling. She practices Christian counseling with the Bethesda Counseling Group, offering services to those in the Baltimore-DC Metro area.

Kathryn's presentation, “From Shame to Glory” is perhaps the best place to start a journey out of shame and into the liberty that is afforded to all believers in Christ Jesus. She has several other audio resources available, and I would also recommend considering these additional presentations as well:

Shame versus Worth
The Approval Addict
The Performance Trap
Hurt Trail to Idolatry
The Door Metaphor

Books for Christians in Recovery (In descending order of importance)

Love is a Choice. Hemfelt, Minirth and Meier's book examines the problem of persistent shame in the Christian's life. Christ saves us from the shame of sin and restores us, but for those of us who have been raised in families that were lacking the support we desperately needed, we tend to get stuck in patterns of shame that can prevent us from fully embracing the fullness of our forgiveness and liberty in Christ. Their ten step program teaches about how we can get caught up in repetitive patterns of shame and how we can be liberated from shame. ** They also offer a companion workbook (which I have not read).

Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves. The book that I believe helped me the most during my own recovery has been David Stoop's book, Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families. The aforementioned book (from the same publisher) presents an overview and an introduction to the topic of the less than ideal emotional development of a child, but Stoop's book takes healing to the next level and explains more specific information about how to heal. I found myself in its pages in a deeper way, amazed at how accurately it described the patterns that I'd lived.

Boundaries. As mentioned in recent posat and featured in this blog post concerning a child's characteristic of vulnerability, Townsend and Cloud's book explores the issues concerning boundaries from a Christian perspective. In addition to their landmark book, you can also find a host of resources and video clips on important topics at Cloud-Townsend Resources online. The authors also adapted their message about boundaries and authored subsequent books which focused on particular types of relationships, and they are worth considering as well, though I am partial to the first book because it reviews boundaries quite extensively.

The Lies We Believe and the companion workbook which adds significantly to the material in the book. The author, Dr. Chris Thurman, explores the false ideas that we hold about the world -- ideas which only serve to set us up for heartache. I think of this book as a more structured way of looking at spiritual warfare and bringing every thought captive to the truth, but it is focused on the issues of shame and negative emotion. Through this book, I learned that what healing professions call "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" or working through negative emotion by exploring unrealistic expectations and false ideas about life was essentially the same thing that the Bible teaches by renewing the mind and bringing thoughts captive to Christ by using the Bible as a standard. David Stoop also has a similar book dealing with the topic called You Are What You Think, presenting the same approach to right and healthy thinking -- renewing the mind with healthy thoughts and ideas.

Lewis Smedes' many books on the topic of forgiveness. I cannot recommend the writings of Smedes more highly enough on one's journey to better understand forgiveness in a healthy way and from a very Christian perspective. He has a host of titles, and I've found them all equally helpful, even though all of the aforementioned authors and books listed here touch on the subject.

This is Your Brain on Joy. If you've followed this series and found a great deal of benefit through the focus on brain as an organ of the body that deserves special care and consideration, I highly recommend reading Earl Henslin's Christian book which presents not only a plan to help balance mood and restore brain health, but also focuses on spiritual growth. His balanced, Christian approach makes the topic very understandable and practical, taking into consideration the concerns that many Christians have, promoting good stewardship of both mind and body.

Quivering Daughters (for women). Though Hillary McFarland's book focuses on the plight of young women who grew up in the radical end of the homeschooling movement, I believe that any young woman who grew up under shame-based and enmeshed parenting as an Evangelical Christian will benefit tremendously from this book. I am an example of those who can identify with the patterns of enmeshment, though my parents were neither radical conservatives nor was I homeschooled. The patterns of enmeshment do convey, and I believe that any woman from a background of religious condemnation and shame can glean a great deal from the book.

Make Anger Your Ally. Neil Clark Warren's book (published by Focus on the Family) explains anger from a Christian perspective, focusing on the benefits of anger as a protective mechanism and how to deal with the triggers of anger in a healthy way that we might all observe the Apostle Paul's admonishment to "be angry and sin not." There is also a title on anger in the Minirth Meier/New Life series of books, though I have not read it. Some might find this helpful, as understanding anger presents a significant challenge for many who were raised in evangelicalism that perceived wrongly that anger itself is sinful.

The Overcoming Botkin Syndrome blog! Read many excerpts from these titles on this site's sister blog, Overcoming Botkin Syndrome, which deals directly with the topic of shame-based parenting and enmeshment as it relates to the patriarchy movement.

Other Christian titles on the subject of emotional developmental deficits. Hurt People Hurt People (Wilson); Families Where Grace is in Place (VanVonderan); Hiding from Love (Townsend); The Healing Path and and companion workbook (Allender).

Online Recovery Resources (some of which are free!):

Check the National National Association for Christian Recovery website site for searchable archives, their blog, and list of constantly growing resources
NACR online video workshops
Free library of articles from back issues of STEPS magazine
NACR audio workshops (for a nominal fee)
Meier Clinics' list of online articles discussing a variety of topics
The (aforementioned) Cloud Townsend Resources site with topical videos

Devotionals:

Rooted in God's Love (NACR, available as a book and as a free daily email)
Meditations for Christians who Try To Be Perfect (hosted on NACR by Joan Webb (available as a book)
Northstar Devotional Blog (online resource)
12 Step Life Recovery Devotional (Arteburn and Stoop)

Online Forums:

Christian Recovery International Forums (Both NACR forum and a spiritual abuse forum)

SECULAR
RESOURCES

Depending on how the first two resources minister to you, and depending on the nature of the areas that God begins to heal in your life, I would recommend choosing between a Christian and a secular resource.

Overview, Introduction, and Healing

If you find yourself very compelled by this series and are at ease exploring secular writings, I would consider reading some secular material concerning shame and recovery. Though any book on the subject of shame or codependency as it was once popularly called would be appropriate, I find that these titles have been very good. These have all been time honored and standards in the area of overcoming shame.

Codependent No More, Beyond Codependency and Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps (Melody Beattie)
Facing Codependence and the companion workbook Breaking Free (Pia Melody)
Compelled to Control (Miller)

Enmeshment

If while reading this series of posts, you identified with the subject and experience of enmeshment and the information on the Overcoming Botkin Syndrome blog, there are titles that specifically deal with that subject.

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What To Do When A Parent's Love Rules Your Life (Patricia Love)
Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (Melody)
Toxic Parents (Forward)
Silently Seduced. . .Understanding Covert Incest (Adams)
When He's Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men... (Adams)

Etc.

There are also a host of titles that concern intimacy and specifically delve into issues of parenting. I cannot begin to list them all, and my personal journey is unique, but I found these secular titles particularly helpful to me in my own journey of recovery. **Highly recommended**

**Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists and their Struggle for Self (Golomb)
**Who's Pulling Your Strings (Braiker)
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self (Miller)
The Gifted Adult (Jacobsen)

Parents Prime Children For Spiritual Abuse? More Posts to Come on Developmental Needs and PTSD

2012-01-22T04:00:00.000-05:00

The purpose for this review of thedevelopmentalneeds of childhood and how parents can showdishonor to those needs came about to help the reader understandwhy a young woman exiting HephzibahHouse (HH) would fail to protect herself once she left. If aperson had developmental deficits going into the home, she wouldcertainly have them upon leaving. Those identified characteristics(and resulting needs) are value,vulnerability,imperfection,dependency,and immaturity. (Explore these topics HERE in a developing index of posts on this topic.)

Why protect yourself ifyou have no worth, if youhave no right to have personal boundaries, if it is required of youto be perfect though it is impossible, if you're taught that you musthave no needs (and guilt over having them), and if you're required tobe the epitome of self-control when you're life is completely out ofyour own control??? A person can respond to trauma through a“freezingresponse” which we will explore further in future posts, butpost traumatic stress after leaving HH may only capitalize upon thedeep felt helplessness in the heart because of emotional issues fromearly childhood. For many who endured at Hephzibah House, it wasactually a revictimization experience re-traumatizing a previous andolder emotional wound.

Priming Children for Spiritual Abusein Adulthood?

Spiritual abuse is a type of trauma,and looking back on my own history, my spiritual abuse experience wasreally just a type of repeating of previous trauma. When I marriedto “leave and cleave,” I took all of my own shame and spiritualemptiness along with me, and I looked to a new source with which Icould fill up my own heart. I transferred some of that need, for atime, into my job and my husband, but my primary source of trying tofill what I thought was the “God-shaped void” that Pascal talkedabout with religion and the traditions of men instead of realself-worth. All I did was “switch drugs of choice,” transferringmy needs and attempts to numb my own shame using a source other thanmy parent.

I made the church my new parent (thechurch had plenty of shame to dole out), and I made performing rolesand the desires of church leadership my new means of earning worth(or grace, as Gothard would put it). Without thinking about it, andin my childish ways, I put God in a box that was shaped like my ownparents. I misunderstood religion and traditions for God's heart ofabundance, and I drew from an institution what I should have drawnonly from my identity in Christ.

I still seem to expect instant results,too. In my immaturity, salvation by faith in Jesus should have beenan “add water and stir” deliverance from the problems and pain oflife, and from the working out of my salvation in fear and trembling. Somehow, by grace through faith and the process of justificationalone, I have an expectation in my head that my immaturity in theseareas would melt away. “Should-ingall over myself,” I should have been able to avoidspiritual abuse, knowing better how to serve God instead of men whorepresented God, a thought (and a fact) that still disturbs me. Ilet that disturbed feeling fuel my recovery, because I dread the daythat I ever feel comfortable with it because it is the essence ofidolatry.

What still troubles me is that I hadknowledge of these developmental needs before both knowledge ofspiritual abuse/thought reform and my own experience of crushingunder a pastor in the Shepherding/DiscipleshipMovement. And more troubling on a functional level, I still workto bring my thoughts captive to Christ concerning these old wounds,because they are my path of least resistance when I drift off centeror slack off in my spiritual life. They are the patterns my fleshtakes when my flesh takes over. Depending whether I choose to lookat it that way, like the nature of my flesh which will always be aninfluence against which to guard, they seem like wounds that will notever heal until I leave this life because they are my “defaultprogramming.” I display my flesh nature as some way of playing outthat which I didn't get right in childhood. Most of my spiritualwarfare concerns the war in my own heart against some of these basic,sick ideas (“I should be perfect.” “I shouldn't have needs” “I am not valuable.”)and the many creative ways I translate them into myactive, ongoing, adult life.

Plans for More Posts on SpiritualAbuse and Various Types of PTSD

And it seems that, though the mainpurpose for this discussion was HH and self-protection, a widevariety of readers here, regular and new, have written to express howmuch they've identified with this message. This past year, ICSApublished an article in their journal advocating the benefits of arecovery model as one approach to working through the aftermath ofspiritual abuse, so I am not surprised at the feedback I've received. The Ryans of the NationalAssociation for Christian Recovery have also writtenon this subject with JeffVanVonderan, though their work primarily concerns these issues ofpersonalrecovery discussed in recent posts. Considering the Ryans andVanVonderan (and atleast one of his other books), I think that some of the bestpractical help concerning a Christian's work to transcend spiritualabuse has come through those who approach it through the addictionsand recovery model.

Based on the feedback I've received, Idecided to continue writing on the subject of recovery as well as thePTSD issues that are of particular concern to the survivors of HH. Isuspect that the material will be quite relevant to all those whohave come through spiritual abuse.

Unlike some of my previous plans forupcoming posts, I've already written several of these! (They likelywon't appear in this order, however.

How Lack of Respect for the Characteristics of a Child Creates Victims of Circumstance and Ineffective Coping in Adults
- Coping After Shame-Based Parenting
- Coping After Enmeshment
- Victims of Circumstance (External Sense of Peace and Worth/External “Locus of Control”

Finding Help and Resources for Healing from Spiritual Abuse from a “Recovery Approach” (Developmental Issues Related to Immature Parenting of the Five Characteristics of a Child)

List of Questions to Ask a Potential Therapist When Seeking Help for Both Spiritual Abuse and Developmental Issues Related from Immature Parenting

More on PTSD
- Reenacting Trauma as a Feature of PTSD
- The Power of Forgiveness after PTSD

Issues related to both overt and covert sexual abuse of children (the theme of the Overcoming Botkin Syndrome blog)
Etc...

Check back for more.

Index of Posts Pertaining to the Childhood Roots of Victimization (Understanding the Role of Childhood Emotional Development in Spiritual Abuse)

2012-01-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

Though it is true that all people arevulnerable to spiritual abuse when the conditions of their lives makethem more vulnerable (new job, move to a new community, death of aloved one, etc.), for people who carry a great deal of shame,manipulative religion finds a greater manipulation potential throughthat shame. Failure to work through and successfully complete all ofthe emotional development of childhood leaves the adult with unmetneeds for a sense of worth, peace, and safety which they willunconsciously seek to find through unhealthy ways, and often, peopleturn to spiritually abusive religion in an effort to heal themselves. Because such groups operate on deception and faulty premises, theytend to promise more than they can actually deliver to theindividual, and that individual often finds themselves replaying orreenacting the dysfunctional dynamics of their childhoods out withintheir abusive religious system.

This series of posts came about throughthe exploration of the problems experienced by the survivors ofHephzibah Houseand how their experience of torture at the facility rendered themwith a reduced capacity to self-protect. Though people whoexperience trauma encounter diminished self-protection, the findingis also a feature of adults who were raised in homes where theirneeds for emotional development were not sufficiently honored. Notfor all, but for many who have suffered spiritual abuse, theexperience also brings up an awareness of their own emotionaldevelopment in childhood and points out areas that need healing. Those who identify with these problems in emotional development canbenefit by learning about those needs so that they can heal and growpast them, finishing up what may have gone undone in the past.

The posts pertaining to thesedevelopmental needs are listed here and organized by topic. Thoughthey stand alone as topics pertinent to spiritual abuse, they alsooffer additional contributing reasons and a primary developmentalbasis for why the survivors of Hephzibah House fail to protectthemselves from harm after they leave.

You can now read all the posts in the series in one page at the archive site by linking HERE.

INTRODUCTION

Misunderstanding and Intolerance of the the Characteristics of Children
Introduction to the Five Characteristics of Children
Relevance of the Topic to Spiritual Abuse Recovery

THE FIVECHARACTERISTICS OF CHILDREN

(And DEFICITS inthe development of those characteristics, leading to victimization)

VICTIMS OFCIRCUMSTANCE

(Fostering anExternal Locus Of Control)
Read all three posts together on a single page at the archive site by linking HERE.

Shame-Based Parenting
Enmeshed Parenting
The Problem of Looking Outside of the Self to find Worth and Peace

Journey Out of Shame
Finding a Counselor to Help Specifically with Dysfunctional Family Issues
Finding Healing Through the Twelve Steps: Recovery from the Emotional Wounds of Childhood (and from Spiritual Abuse)

For additional information on this topic, please visit thissite's sister blog, OvercomingBotkin Syndrome, which is devoted to exploring dysfunctionalrelationships that are taught to the followers of patriarchy. Ifthis the discussion of this topic has been especially helpful andpertinent, please explore the many excerpts from Christian sourcesfeatured there which address this topic in greater detail. Thoughthe reader may not have grown up in the aberrant religion builtaround Christian homeschooling, they will identify with the commonexperience resulting from immature parenting.

How Parents' Intolerance of a Child's Immaturity Creates Both Victims and Abusers

2012-01-21T05:00:00.000-05:00

As noted earlier concerning the naturalcharacteristics of children, the parent's proper respect for and careof a child's immaturity builds the basis for self control in theiradulthood and helps them learn how to effectively manage and governtheir lives as adults. This mastery, a characteristic of maturity,also provides for a healthy sense of spontaneity. Healthy maturityinvolves relaxation and time for restoration, an early lesson thatthe parent can build into a child through celebration of thatspontaneous wonder and joy of life that children possess.

Parental Intolerance of Immaturity

As discussed in anearlier post, sometimes parents can become weary of the boundlessenergy and the self centeredness of their children, failing to seethese qualities as the gifts they are given to accomplish the hardtask of growing up. When a parent fails to accept these traits whichthey view as an inconvenience, or they punish these qualities in thechild, the child learns to feel shame when “being authentic” andhonest.

They also learn that they are loved only when they perform, sothey learn to base their worth on performance. The parent expectsthe child to perform like a small adult instead of their behaving inaccordance to their developmental age, even though they lack theskills, the self-control, and the experience necessary. Voddie Baucham's First Time Obedience principle and Michael Pearl's Child Training Method offer excellent examples of parenting styles that demand inappropriately mature behavior from young children.

Demanding maturity of an immature childsets them up for life patterns of constricted control or chaos, orsome combination of a swing between both of them. The pressure toperform as an adult overwhelms the child, as they fear both directpunishment and denial of love and attention through parentalwithdrawal or disapproval.

The Powerful Influence of the FamilyScript

Depending on the role that the childwas required to play in their family of origin, they will experiencedifferent types of responses from the parent and will tend tomanifest different responses of their own.

As previously noted, dysfunctionalfamilies assign predictableroles to family members as a coping mechanism which helps toaccommodate the abusive or addictive traits of one of the otherfamily members.

These roles typically include both positive andnegative roles or characters:

Hero
Mediator
Mascot
Counselor
Surrogate (parent or partner
Rebel or “black sheep”
Scapegoat
Lost Child

The children who follow the positiveroles within the family tend to become very controlling themselves,modeling and repeating the parent's own intolerance, something whichproduced a great deal of self-disgust for the child as well as deeptoxic shame for failing to be what they cannot be, despite theirparents' unreasonable demands. They experience tremendous levels ofanxiety because they take on those dutiful roles in the family. Butin contrast, the rewards that the child derives from the praise andbenefit they receive for effective performance tends to give themmore opportunity and resources within the family. They learn to basetheir worth on performance, become people pleasers, andoverachievers. They tend to be very dogmatic and demanding withothers because of their difficulty in tolerating their limitations. These over-compliant children tend to become caretakers of thechildren in the family who fall into negative roles, learning caretaking behaviors for siblings and parents.

Those children who fall into thenegative roles within the family experience much different treatmentthan their siblings. They tend to be overwhelmed by the parent'sunreasonable demands, unable to perform because of their highanxiety, anger, and resentment which they are not permitted to directly and openly express. Because of their low performance,these children may actually be over-indulged and not held accountable fortheir lack of age-appropriate behavior and are just shamed instead. This is the fate of the scapegoat, and these children become theconvenient excuse for all of the problems in the family because theyare just not mature enough to live up to parental expectations.

Rather than working to help this child overcome their weaknesses,parents (and siblings who read the required script) may see them asthe eternally hapless, so the parent abandons the to theirimmaturity. Giving up on the child's ability to mature, the parentstops expecting them to ever grow into mature behavior, so the stopencouraging it altogether. It becomes a type of abandonment, andthey are left to themselves to develop self-control without any helpfrom the parent.

And many children developcompartmentalized maturity and immaturity, manifestingcharacteristics of several of the roles in the family script. Depending on what the parent needs from them and what their naturalstrengths are, these children may develop a mix of extreme behaviors. They will be over-responsible in some areas and completelyineffective in other areas, having trouble with self-control on manylevels.

Poor Modulation of Emotions andBehaviors in Adults

Primarily, the characteristics that thechildren develop in the home as children intensify in adulthood. Difficulty with moderation and outright avoidance of moderationemerges as a core symptom and problem experienced by adults who wereraised in homes where their lack of maturity was not tolerated andanticipated. These adults have difficulty with the routineexperience and expression of mature, adult behavior, understandingbalance as lack of passion or lack of life because the chaos anddrama in their family of origin raises the bar on the level ofstimulation they need.

The trauma experienced by the loss ofthe spontaneous experience of being a child creates a sense ofdeadness and numbness, a way of coping with pain and grief whichseems impossible to comprehend. In order to feel alive, the adultchild from a dysfunctional family tends to seek out the extremes, away of compensating and breaking through the numbness of theirdissociation.

Human beings are also drawn, almostcompulsively, to relationships that are familiar, especially if theyare traumatic. This tendency is enhanced by the compulsion to reenact unresolved trauma, a subconscious drive to some howunderstand and master their past as well as manage difficult emotions. New extremes can serve as a lovely diversion for emotionsthat keep popping up related to childhood and may help to promotedenial concerning the real roots of their ineffective and maladaptiveways of coping. (Read more HERE.)

The over-mature and controlling adultchildren of dysfunctional homes tend to erect walls as boundaries inrelationships, and the relationships that they do foster tend to bevery non-spontaneous. They've never been allowed to embrace theirimmaturity, and that is how they perceive appropriate playfulbehavior in adulthood. I believe that these individuals tend to gravitate towards legalistic religions and fringe Christianity, believing that their extremes demonstrate greater faith. Plain, old mainstream religion just doesn't seem like quite enough for them. They don't want to follow "dead Christianity," so they choose extreme versions of it that play on cultic themes of conspiracy, catastrophe, and legalism.

Those children who take on therebellion tend to become immature adults with poor self-control. Their adult relationships tend toward chaos. They may alsocompartmentalize over-maturity and immaturity, manifesting success,perfection, and overachievement in one area of life, while otherareas seem chaotic and disproportionately so, given their other competencies and successes. Their individualrelationships may flux between chaos and control which makes intimacyand long-term relationships quite difficult.

Those who tend to manifest collapsed orintroverted symptoms and chaotic relationships are at risk forvictimization and exploitation by manipulators, though they also tendto be manipulative because of their immaturity, using more primitiveways of coping with adult life. If the individual have difficultieswith their internal boundaries, they tend to become abusive in theirrelationships. They may be intolerant and dogmatic of those who holdideas that differ from their own, and they tend to repeat the samedemanding and intolerant family dynamics with their own children. They loathe their own immaturity, so they also loathe the samebehavior in their children.

UPDATE 22Jan12: Read about another aspect of this characteristic of children which gets transferred into adulthood when people leave spiritual abusive groups, only to join another one. When you visit, make sure to read the comments that follow Lewis' post on The Commandments of Men.

How Parents Prime Children for Victimization through Ignorance, Neglect and Abuse of Dependency Needs

2012-01-20T05:00:00.000-05:00

One of the primary roles of a parentshould be preparing their children to be safe, protected, and securein adulthood, preparation that begins in childhood, encouraging thechild's growth into maturity. When successful, parents preparechildren who become adults who are able to care adequately for theirown basic needs and are also responsive to the needs of otherswithout compromising their own self-care in the process. Indysfunctional homes, children derive too much of their identity andsense of self from within the family or specifically from anotherfamily member. When they enter the world of adults without havingadequately shapedtheir identity, they have much difficulty in relationships whenthey move on from the family of origin.

How Parents Fail to Provide forDependency Needs

Many types of abuse result when parentsfail to respect their child's dependency needs and balance thoseneeds with gradual preparation for their child's independence fromthe family. Children learn the lessons and skills of self-care inadulthood through the ways in which their parents meet (or fail tomeet) their needs, as well as the habits they observe in their ownparents who model their own self-care.

Degrees of Neglect

Obviously parents who neglect theirchildren fail to provide for their needs, be they material,psychological, intellectual, emotional or spiritual, but there areother more subtle ways in which a parent can abuse a child'sdependence and limitations.

A parent may have a false idea orexpectation that children should not be needy or may becomefrustrated with the needs that they have. They will meet the child'sphysical needs, but they will communicate to the child in some waythat their duty to responsibly care for them is a great hardship. They may fail to keep adult matters private and may inappropriatelyshare details about finances or other concerns with the child in away that is appropriate and understandable. The parent may alsodirectly or indirectly convey an attitude of resentment towards thechild because of their responsibilities to provide for them. Children are very perceptive and emotionally aware in most casesbecause they look to the parent as a mirror for themselves so thatthey can learn to be like the parent as they grow. In extrememanifestations of parental resentment, the parent may becomeaggressive or predatory with the child, punishing them for theirdependency.

When the parent communicates resentmentor fails to adequately shield the child from their adult concernsinvolved in providing for them, the child absorbs the message as oneof shame for having any needs. The literature on addictions refersto this experience as the “shame-existence bind,” a type ofPharisaicaltype of double bind that creates a no-win situation for thechild. The child may also be told that they are selfishfor having needs or that their common, basic needs are unusual orunreasonable. The parent may have their own misconceptions abouttheir own needs and wants, viewing the care of their own basic needsas optional, or they may behave as though all of their wants aresynonymous with their basic needs. They can only model for and giveto the child that which they have themselves, so they may conveytheir own misguided feelings about guilt over needs to their childrenwho will follow the parent's example and will tend to adopt theirways of thinking about wants and needs.

In these cases, the child not onlylearns shame for having basic needs, they also learn that beinginterdependent with others in a healthy way as they seek to meettheir needs is an unsafe and painful process that also producesshame. The parent either fails to realize for themselves or fails toteach their child that individuals must be interdependent and thatthis interdependence is a healthy, normal, and often pleasurable partof daily life and is necessary for survival.

Over-protection

Though JimFay (co-founder of the Loveand Logic Institute) identifies these traits as a part of aparenting style, they also describe a manner by which parents showdisrespect to the dependency needs of a child. Fay describes thisparent as one who “hovers over childrenand rescues them from the hostile world in which they live”in a set of predictable ways.

From Loveand Logic's free onlineresources, discussing the ThreeTypes of Parents:

The HelicopterParent [with Blog Host notes added]:

Provides messages of weakness and low personal worth
Makes excuses for the child, but complains about [how the child has] mishandled responsibilities [which sends a confusing and shaming mixed message to the child]
Takes on the responsibility of the child
Protects the child from any possible negative feelings
Makes decisions for the child
Provides no structure, but complains, “After all I've done for you...”
Whines and uses guilt: “When are you ever going to learn? I always have to clean up after you.”
Whines and complains about having an irresponsible child who causes “me” much work and responsibility
Uses lots of words and actions that rescue or indicate that the child is not capable or responsible
Protects child from natural consequences, uses guilt [as opposed to consequences] as the teacher

(Here, too, the parent's resentment fortheir responsibility to provide for the child's needs presents as afeature in overprotective parenting, just as it does in patterns ofparental neglect.) In essence, this type of over-protective parentcannot moderate their own feelings of fear and anxiety. They end upextraverting and/or projecting their own adult emotions on to theirchild who pays the bill for their own deficiency. The child absorbsthe parent's feelings, learning not only anxiety andpassive-aggressive communication as a standard of what is normal butalso that they [as the child] are a great burden that creates intensestress/pain for their parent. Again, the parent projects thisexperience and shame on to the child which they, in turn,internalize. The child responds by feeling responsible for theparent.

Enmeshment

Another failure to appropriately honorthe dependency needs of a child occurs when a parent uses a child insome way to meet their own adult needs, needs that are onlyappropriately met by another adult. In healthy parenting, nurtureflows from the mature adult who is rich in resources to the child whoonly has the resources that the parent provides for them. The childlacks information, experience in relationships, rational thought,boundaries, and a standard of what constitutes good/appropriatebehavior. The primary source of all of those things comes from theparent upon whom they depend physically for their survival. Thechild is not in a position to walk away from the parent and doesn'thave the internal resources or experience to be able to set limits onthe parent if they behave inappropriately.

In dysfunctional families, quite often,the parent has relationship difficulties with other adults, but theyfind in their child an attentive and wonderful little person wholacks all of the typical friction that they encounter in theirinteraction with adults. Their child has no boundaries and acceptswhatever the parent presents to them as trustworthy and good, lackingthose friction-creating factors that the parent experiences withadults. Failing to honor the dependency needs of their child, theycan reverse the flow of nurture when they begin to use the child as asource of friendship or as a resource to use in order to meet theiradult needs. (This differs from assigning age-appropriate dutiesto a child which help teach them how to appropriately care for theirown needs and to function interdependently within the family.)

The child mergeswith the parent and becomes dependent on them for their sense ofidentity and worth. The child internalizes the needs and realityof the parent and identifies them as their own instead of learningand growing to develop their independent sense of self and their own,age-appropriate reality. In some respects, the child gains a senseof power and specialness, knowing that they are of such importanceand are so intimate emotionally with the parent At the same time,they also realize that they havebecome responsible for meeting the needs and attending to thewelfare of the parent, an overwhelming experience. Their inner liferevolves around the parent's needs and involves a great amount offear. Instead of developing worth and a sense of accomplishmentbased on their own experiences, they draw that worth and confidencefrom the duties that they perform for the parent.

Dependency as a Religious Concept

As mentioned in a recentpost, some aberrant Christian groups which overemphasizehierarchy and authoritarianism teach that subordinates must endureany type of treatment from their superiors, and that mistreatmentshould not be protested but should be viewed as an experience whichbuilds virtue. In some instances, such as in BillGothard's ideology of authority and submission, bearing unjustmistreatment mystically serves as an opportunity to accumulateGod's favor which can be channeled to use as power to accomplishvirtuous acts.

Residentsat Hephzibah House are taught that their moral status whichresulted in their placement at the facility deprived them of statusand relegated them to obligatory abuse, a disrespect of theirdependency needs as teenagers deprived them of physical sustenanceand protection which was reinforced by intense physical andpsycholological abuse. In many groups, Complementariantheology supports obligatory servitude based on gender, promotingenmeshment for women as a religious requirement. In VisionForum's form of patriarchy which is also taught by the BotkinFamily, the theology requires that all family members deny theirindependence, personal needs, and inner personal experience in favorof their family patriarch's code of conduct and “vision” for themission of the family. All of these examples institutionalizedysfunctional behavior, misrepresenting these requirements as theminimum standard taught in the Bible and required by God, carryingeternal, spiritual consequences.

Many religious traditions also teachthe need for a spiritual intercessor putting other people in betweenthat person's access to God and spiritual things. Complementarianismand systems that define women as dependent on a male overseer suggestin various ways that women need men to make spiritualintercession for them. By teaching that a woman is of lesser essencein some way (such as Complementarian teaching that women are madeindirectly in or are the derivative image of God) and that women arecreated solely and primarily for the purpose of ministry tomen, these ideologies foster and facilitate dependency anddysfunction. In other traditions such as those followed in theShepherding/DiscipleshipMovement or in systems of ecclesiocentricty(the church and pastor as the central element of and authority in aChristian's life), such systems foster dysfunctional paternalisticdependency as opposed to healthy interdependence.

Consequences andOutcomes Experienced by the Adult

For the adult who was neglected inchildhood wherein the parent failed to provide for their needs, theadult carries over their childhood coping mechanism into their adultlife which manifests as lack of self-care, still affected by theshame-existence bind they learned in childhood. They've learned toignore their needs and have never learned to be aware of them whichusually presents through neglect of self through poor or absentself-care in different areas of their life.

Though this individual may have acollapsed social life wherein they fail to attend to their ownemotional care, they may also demonstrate a type of demonstrativecraving for love and affection producing “loveaddiction.” Developmental deficits tend to be overcome throughlearning and counsel, but love addiction becomes a basic compulsionwhich revolves around fear of abandonment and is more intense than asimple failure to provide for self-care. Those who develop loveaddiction seek enmeshment with others in their adult relationships asan addictive way of dealing with their internal feelings ofemptiness.

Read more about the dynamics of LoveAddiction and Love Avoidance that develop from the abuse ofdependency needs inthese posts at the Overcoming Botkin Syndrome blog. In contrastto the love addicted, those who develop love avoidance find theirself-worth in caretaking as a consequence of enmeshment, and intimacyin relationship is replaced by duty and deadness. The drama createdby the dysfunctional dynamics becomes mistaken for passion, intimacyand love.

Adults who learned that basic needswere shameful tend to be aware of their basic needs but often fail toseek to meet them. They've learned that interdependence results inshame and can involve punishment of some kind, so they avoid theirneeds to avoid discomfort. The experience of unmet physical needs inchildhood creates emotional consequences in adulthood, interferingwith the adult's ability to trust. Dependency plays on their senseof trust and vulnerability, so the building of emotional walls tendsto go hand in hand with this type of denial of needs.

Alternately, an adult can alsoextravert their frustration and can become aggressive, particularlyif they never learned the distinction between wants and needs. Theymay misinterpret all of their wants and desires as needs, and theywill go to any lengths to meet their desires. This may lead toself-destructive poor self management and planning. Such problemsoften result in financial problems as well as boundary issues inrelationships with other adults.

The child of the over-protective parentfails to develop effective and appropriate self-care traits andbehaviors which can result in self-care deficits. They were notencouraged to problem solve or anticipate their needs, so they failto attend to them, though they are generally well aware of them. Inrelationships, these adults tend to be very needy and helpless andusually resort to manipulative behavior to get others to meet theneeds that the parent once met for them. These individuals becomeprime targets for manipulation by those with poor externalboundaries, religious con men, and other types of exploitation when amanipulator promises to meet their needs.

How Piety and Perfectionism Prime a Child for Exploitation and Victimization

2012-01-19T05:00:00.000-05:00

Human beings make mistakes, and it isunreasonable and unhealthy for people to believe that they areperfect. By embracing and anticipating the needs of children relatedto their characteristic of imperfection, parents can raise childrenwho become adults who not only feel comfortable with themselves, butthey learn to become accountable for the impact that their actionshave on other people.

Consequences of Expecting andDemanding Perfection of Children

This type of abuse of the child'squality of imperfection can be communicated to the child through demands requiring too high of a level of mastery for the child's developmental age or merely by the intolerance of any of the child's mistakes. This often comesabout because of shame issues in the adult's past, and when thechild's behavior triggers their own shame, they are unable tomodulate and control their own emotions. The parent may view mistakes as failure instead of an essential part of learning through trial and error. The child's normal mistake may trigger shame in the parent because of the parent's unresolved fears and emotions that have nothing to do with the child or the matter at hand.

In an effort to control theenvironment and to derive their own sense of calm and control fromoutside themselves, these parents who feel shame unload their shameonto their own children because they feel so overwhelmed themselves. They use their children as a receptacle for their shame, and demand ahigher level of control from their child than they are capable of(which the adult acts out through demands of perfection!). The childmust then pay the bill for the parent's lack of tolerance, toxicnegative emotion, and shame which is projected on to the child.

Some parents may also lackunderstanding of how children develop and may expect behaviors ofchildren that are not age appropriate, Children who are incapable ofperforming will be punished in some way for their incompetency. Withchildren who are precocious and intelligent, the parent may also takefor granted that the child may mimic behavior, follow learned ritual,or parrot back information, but they will be incapableof abstract reason until around or about age twelve. Even in thehealthiest of homes, as a very intelligent and competent child beginsto start to have flashes of reason, it is hard to anticipate thechild's real capabilities and develop realistic expectations whenthey approach this point in their development. The appearance ofthese age appropriate developmental lacks can be confusing, however, the healthy parent doesn't punish the child or see this as a deficiency.

Religious Factors Contributing toLack of Respect for the Child's Imperfection

In particular religious families whouse performance and piety to help control the emotions and shame inthe parents, though they can appear quite religious, they canactually like appropriate Christian attitudes which manifest as lackof personal and emotional accountability to others. When a parentfails to accept their own imperfection and/or imperfection in theirchild, they operate in denial, failing to admit to God that they areimperfect and dependent on Him, living, moving and having their beingin Him. Instead of embracing God's forgiveness, mercy, and sacrificewhich provides theologically for intimacy with God, they turn tolegalism and performance from which they draw their sense of worthand stability. That sense of stability is drawn from control of theenvironment rather from who they are in Christ. Unable to admittheir own imperfection to themselves, they also never admit mistakesto their children, demonstrating accountability with them.

From Pia Mellody's FacingCodependence (pg 194):

When childrenlive in families that expect perfection, they learn to lie (to avoidthe pain and shame of frequent failure) or to repress the fact thatthey are imperfect. And this means these children can't beaccountable and spiritual as adults, since they cannot tolerateseeing the mistakes and sabotaging behavior in their ownlives.

Because personalworth and peace tends to be drawn from outside the self and derivesfrom circumstances and performance, legalistic Christians tend to doa great deal of benchmarking, comparing themselves with others. Theylook down on others and moralize (or demoralize) them in order tocreate the illusion that they are better by comparison. Spiritualsuperiority such as the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist Doctrineof Separation fosters allows this person to play God. They becometheir own higher power, not God, through human effort and through theillusion of denial and other primitive types of defense mechanisms. Quite often, in adults who grew up as children in these types offamilies, because of the hypocrisy and inconsistencies, they tend toeither doubt that a real God or higher power exists, or they deem Himas untrustworthy.

Manifestationsof Perfectionism in Dysfunctional Homes: Family Roles

This typeof disrespect or rejection of the child's imperfect nature can resultin a variety of problems in both child and adult. How the individualas child or adult manifests this imperfection depends on the type offamily role they are expected to perform within the family. Typicaldysfunctionalfamily roles for individuals include:

Hero
Mediator
Mascot
Counselor
Surrogate (parent or partner
Rebel or “black sheep”
Scapegoat
Lost Child

Generally, the way each person copeswith the demand for perfection depends upon the role that the personplays within the family. The hero character, often the firstborn,will become a perfectionistic, uptight, overachiever who chases thefantasy created by the family that they are type of hero. It is partof the fantasy and the family script that is typical of families ofdysfunction or addiction, and family members are required to lavishpraise and attention on the identified hero. This goes beyond thetypicalpatterns associated with birth order and falls into a truefantasy which the family system demands that all members support inorder to maintain the illusion of wholeness, ultimately a patternthat is self-destructive. The other positive family roles (mascot,mediator, counselor, and surrogate) tend to follow with this sametype of ultra-compliant perfectionism to merit love and attentionfrom the parents, the positive reinforcement that they receive fortheir compliance and good performance.

Those who take on the negative roles indysfunctional families generally respond in different ways. Thosewho feel overwhelmed, hapless, and hopeless in response to the highdemands for perfectionism tend to give up and take on antagonisticbehaviors. The rebel acts out their frustration through rebellion,obviously, as does the black sheep, by doing the opposite of what thefamily generally demands. In very controlling families, thisbehavior is often quite passive aggressive. The black sheep as wellas the scapegoat (chronically blamed for the problems within thefamily system) often also respond by acting irresponsibly, becomingthe prodigal. Though the lost child (a negative role) tends to develop in homeswhere they were neglected, they can develop patterns of OCD or adoptirresponsible patterns of behavior.

Because of the intense demand forperfection and performance to compensate for shame, family membersall suffer with pain, fear, and anxiety, often turing to substanceabuse or addictive behaviors.

From Nancy Curtis in BeyondSurvival: The New Testament Solution for Adult Children ofAlcoholics (pg 53):

As children, wetend to mold our personalities to adapt to our environment. If ourenvironment is supportive, nurturing, and flexible, we are freed toexpress our own individuality. If our environment is rigid,demanding, and conditional, however, we are forced to shape ourbehavior to fit the needs of others. We substitute our true self fora false self that is more acceptable to our parents whose love andapproval we need desperately. In essence, we compromise who wereally are, and become what our parents need us to be.

Priming a Child for Victimization or Predatory Behavior Through Poor Regard for Developing Personal Boundaries and Vulnerability

2012-01-18T01:00:00.000-05:00

Human beings are not omnipotentcreatures, and children are definitely not invulnerable. Whenproperly honored and taught to the child, appropriate vulnerabilityteaches and prepares the child to be appropriately intimate inrelationships in their adult life. To achieve emotional intimacy ina healthy way, a person must be emotionally honest with their closefriends and in love relationships through limited vulnerability whichallows them to connect to others.

An excellent resource concerningBoundariesis the Christian book of that title by Townsend and Cloud whosetopical videoclips are featured HERE online.

The Extremes Created by a Poor Senseof Vulnerability

As we will note in all of thecharacteristics of children that parents must honor, in dysfunctionalhomes, children tend to develop the same kinds of boundaries bothmodeled and taught directly to children by parents. Problems tend todevelop when children fall to one extreme reaction or the other, oran ineffective mix between the two, wherein the child learns onlypartially effective boundaries. As one only protects what isworthwhile protecting, boundaries can be closely tied to self-worth.

The child who learns ineffectiveboundaries becomes too vulnerable because the parent fails to teachthe child self protection. The parent may overprotect this child,objectifying them by viewing them as incapable of any discernment oftheir own, or they just fail to protect them altogether. The childnever learns where they begin and end, and they walk into dangeroussituations with no awareness of the threat of harm. Some childrenare taught to place implicit trust in any adult and authorityfigures, and in religious groups that follow patriarchy, girls aretaught to obey all men without qualification. Likewise, someChristian groups teach that adults and children alike have nopersonal rights, viewing any suffering that comes because of lack ofboundaries to be an opportunity to develop character throughdisappointment. These children learn passivity, or they followpassivity to avoid punishment by the parent who will tolerate noassertiveness.

The exaggerated alternative results ina child who does not set boundaries but establishes walls and thusavoids vulnerability by feigning invulnerability. They're toofearful to be vulnerable, and the cost of their safety comes at theforfeiting of emotional intimacy. They may start to developfriendships but will retreat in withdrawal.

Internal Versus External Boundaries

An internal boundary involves behaviorand thought originating with the self, that which refers to what that person does. Of people who have poor internal boundaries and set no limits on their own behavior, it may be said of them that such a person "knows no bounds." The primary problem originates with them as a lack of their own internal boundaries.

A child with a collapsed sense of self may have been conditioned to set very narrow limits on their own behavior in a way that is inappropriate, allowing others too far in to their inner world, if they have any internal boundaries at all. When any child has not beentrained to respect others or basic rules of appropriate social behavior, they may violate theboundaries of others without realizing it, merely out of ignorance. Their self-centered perspective may be the only indicator of appropriate behavior because they have not been taught to anticipate or be sensitive to the needs of others.

In the child who demonstrates too much invulnerability, they willeither withdrawal from interaction all together (their created internal boundary) throughantisocial personality traits, or they may exaggerate their behavior,willfully ignoring the boundaries of others by in order to feel powerful. They claim everything (including other people) as within their own boundaries by setting no boundaries on their own behavior.

An external boundary is a barrier that a person creates around themselves to limit outside forces. An external boundary involves what the a allows into their world and involves saying “No.” (LINK HERE to another Boundaries video about what the Bible says about saying "No.")

In the collapsed response, the childlets anyone and everyone take advantage of them. In theinvulnerable, the child does not allow anyone to get close enough totake advantage of them, and they may be well-known for always saying“No.” Another way an external boundary can be violated presentswhen adults do not permit the child to own their own perceptions andexperiences. If a parent does not like a particular emotion, theymay punish a child for it, teaching the child that they cannot knowthemselves or their experience. The child is required to allow thatparent in through their external boundary, exchanging their realityfor that of the parent.

Vunerability Issues in Adults

In a healthy adult relationships,boundaries establish what we will and will not tolerate. For adultswho grew up in very dysfunctional homes and didn't learn appropriateboundaries, this dynamic element of hard work within a relationshipfails.

Those who are too vulnerable fail toestablish any kind of boundary, and they let anyone have access toany area of their lives. Or they may have a difficult timeestablishing boundaries through assertive expression of their wantsand needs, the type of person who struggles with saying “No.” Sometimes, these individuals can declare boundaries to others, butcannot motivate themselves to defend their established newboundaries. These are not boundaries at all but are merely “niceideas” when they are not defended.

The person with very weak ornon-existent boundaries may also seek to have levels of intimacy thatare too close for the nature of the relationship, and this may createbehavioral problems and may violate appropriate social rules. Italso sets the adult up for disappointment through unmet expectationsand confusion.

Some individuals may also have onlypartially ineffective boundaries, and in one area of life, they maybe able to clearly establish what they will and will not tolerate ina relationship. But when dealing with a certain situation or aparticular type of person (such as a woman raised in an extremelypatriarchal system of gender hierarchy, she may find herselfcompletely unable to establish a boundary or may have been taughtthat a woman must submit to the demands of men. Authorityfigures also pose great difficulty for the person who tendstoward collapsed responses because it is human nature to tend tocomply with authority.

As noted earlier, the invulnerable typeof person tends to withdrawal from social interaction and may copethrough an anti-social personalty. They may have erraticrelationships, vacillating between the development of friendship,only to abruptly retreat in response to perceived threat. They havethe opposite type of presentation concerning their problems withintimacy, but both types of manifestations prevent healthy intimacy.

The invulnerable person can also develop ineffective copingmechanisms leading to the abuse and exploitation of others byviolating their boundaries through an exaggerated response, motivatedby manipulative behaviors and poorly controlled negative emotion, theextroverted expression of lack of respect. These are the classicabused people who go on to repeat the same type of abuse as theirabuser modeled for them.

One might think that the person withexcessively collapsed boundaries is more vulnerable to manipulation,but because the invulnerable type of person who hides behind wallscraves intimacy and attachment, this basic human need can also beexploited, making this person just as vulnerable to the rightinfluences.

Self Awareness and Self Regulation

Many adults who grew up indysfunctional families of origin struggle with knowing themselvesbecause they were never permitted to own their own experiences andfeelings, constrained to feel only that which was set for them bysomeone else.

Because their boundaries were never respected or because the parent fails to realize that the child is not an adult with the capability of setting limits, the adult who uses their child as a companion or requires the child to be someone that they're not overrides that child's sense of self. The interaction is too intimate and interferes with the child's development of a sense of self.

The child has no choice and does not even realize that the relationship is emotionallyinappropriate or damaging to them. (An adult can set limits and protect their sense of self when overwhelmed by another, but the child is obligated to absorb the parent's reality because of their dependence on the adult to protect and provide for them.)

Instead of awareness of self, the child's inner world must be negated (their heart denied) in favor of the adult's experience, wants, and needs.

These adults struggle with finding satisfyingvocations, pastimes and relationships because they are unaware of their feelings andemotions and do not have much awareness of their true strengths andweaknesses. They were not encouraged to make their own decisionsregarding their life choices and were required to sign the right todirect their lives over to someone else or some religious system. When they work on recovery, learning self awareness and experiencing the liberty of choicecan be a very difficult, anxiety-producing challenge.

Erratic patterns in relationships arecommon in people who suffer from complex PTSD, both cravingattachment and fearing it and feeling unable to modulate their ownbehavior. So in the person with patterns built around long-standingtrauma, they may have a very complex mix of incomplete boundaries,varying from the extremes of walls to the enmeshed type of unhealthyattachment found in the person with little to no boundaries at all.

How Parents Prime Children for Victimization Through Faulty Ideas About Self Love/Esteem

2012-01-17T05:00:00.000-05:00

Failing to Teach A Child AppropriateSelf Love and Value

As noted in the previous post, childrenthe characteristics of children, when respected and anticipated bythe parent help to form the basis of appropriate core behaviors inadulthood. What is perhaps the most primary of these is thedevelopment of appropriate self-love, addressed briefly in an earlierpost.

When a child learns that they have precious value and thetrait is honored by the parent, the child matures into an adult whocan find stability and worth in themselves instead of either earningworth through outward performance (What happens when you can'tperform?) or only when circumstances in life are very good.

Most people tend to think of a personwith poor self esteem and self love as a collapsed individual, but aswe explore these traits, we will note that imbalance of eitherintroversion or extraversion results from poor development ofappropriate self-love. Remember the issue of balance and the neededmaturity of the parent to hold two opposing forces in tension,exhibiting self-control and modulating experience? We used theexample of the extremes on a continuum ranging from greedyover-indulgence and self-neglect. Both of these extremes constitutea show of disrespect for the person and for others. The ideal is notone extreme or the other but rather that “sweet spot” of balancebetween the two, where a person cares for themselves appropriatelybut also responds dynamically to the needs of others with empathy,caring and respect. The place of balance is one of movement and is not static, so there is a bit of swing, but it is within a certain limit, not too far from midline.

The Two Extremes of Self Love andValue

Parents teach their children abouttheir own personal worth based on how the parent models respect forother adults but also how the parent treats the child or children. When a parent lacks appropriate respect for the value of theirchildren, they can choose one of two alternatives:

They can devalue their children. They can neglect the child's needs and despise their nature. They may put their own wants before the child's basic needs, teaching the child that they have very little value as people.
Though it may seem counterintuitive, when a parent idealizes a child and behaves as though that child can do no wrong by idealizing them, exaggerating accomplishments and paying excessive amounts of attention to the child, it is also a type of abuse.

In both cases, the child is objectifiedbecause neither level of esteem is consistent with reality. One iscollapsed and the other exaggerated. Somewhere in the middle is thechild in real life – precious for being a wonderful human creature,complete with realistic flaws and imperfections. So though the childwho is idealized may seem to be free from abuse, the abuse comesthrough the demand of the parent that the child be something otherthan who they are. Both are fantasy based ideas, but the child'strue nature is rejected.

Two Outcomes of Poorly CommunicatedValue

Just as the parent either undervaluedor idealized the child, the child can manifest their poor sense ofself and lack of worth in two primary ways. First, the child who istreated as though they have little value will become a peoplepleaser, because they find their worth outside of themselves. Theyonly feel good when they have earned love or affection or esteem. Itcannot be given to them merely because they are creatures worthy ofrespect.

The child may also develop exaggeratedways of expressing their low sense of internal self worth by becomingmanipulative and arrogant. They feel entitled to praise and value,beyond reasonable worth, giving them the sense that they are indeedbetter than everyone else on the planet. So this, too, is anotherkind of low esteem, but the extraverted need communicates asarrogance and deceit. These adults tend to gauge themselves andtheir worth from their successes and through condescension.

Both outcomes manifest as ways to copewith the lack of healthy esteem. The parent lacked adequate maturityand resources to be able to teach the child appropriate worth, andthe child obtains their worth based on the parent's unbalancedperception of them.

Understanding How Dysfunctional Families Prime Children for the Experience of Shame (Leading to Victimization)

2012-01-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

There are many excellent Christianbooks concerning dysfunctional family dynamics -- that is besides theBook of Genesis which contains the best archetypalexamples of how you should NOT relate to otherfamily members! One of the most interesting families to drawout on a relationship diagram is that of Jacob, Esau and theirparents, and some of the Christian self-help books in this genre look at many of the Old Testament patriarchs to explain howtriangulationin relationships works.

My favorites include titles on the topic offamily relationships include Loveis a Choice (by Hemfelt, Minerth, and Meier) and ForgivingOur Parents, Forgiving Ourselves (Stoop and Masteller) andmany others which are discussed at some length on the OvercomingBotkin Syndrome blog (posts which you can find by looking for the author near the top of thetag list). I also like SandraWilson's Hurt People Hurt People, too. And specificallyrelated to boundaries,the Christian books by Townsend and Cloud shouldn't go withoutmention, either.

These posts offer learning tools to thesurvivors of Hephzibah House (HH), though they are quite applicableto most people in the types of religious groups addressed here mostoften. With the HephzibahGirls in mind, I think that the approach taken by a fellow nursespeaks a bit more clearly to the specific needs that they have asthey look back to put their experiences into perspective. Conditionsat HH fostered problems with self-protection and issues related toboundaries suffered by girls after leaving, but the roots go deeper,back into childhood.

Understanding the Roots of Shame

PiaMellody approaches this topic by looking at the five basic,natural characteristics of childhood, which when successfullydeveloped and honored by the parent, form the basis for healthy andmature characteristics in adulthood.

Children are:

Valuable (Value becomes peace andwhat Jesus called the love of self in the mature adult who findstheir stability and worth within themselves instead of finding theirworth in performance and circumstances.)

Vulnerable (Forms the basis ofexperience which allows adults to be intimate along with theappropriate level of vulnerability required to engage in emotionalintimacy.)

Imperfect (Lays the foundationof the adult's ability to feel comfortable with themselves andaccountable for the impact that their actions have on others.)

Dependent (Provides for theability of the adult to care responsibly for their own basic needsand to be interdependent with others, because we are unable to meetall of our needs independently.)

Immature (Proper care andparenting teaches two types of boundaries to the child: internalself control which governs the adult's behavior, as well as what onechooses to allow into their lives. Mastery of maturity also providesfor a healthy sense of spontaneity.)

As previously mentioned, if the parenthas not mastered these tasks or if their parents didn't honor andrespect these characteristics in them when they were children, theyvery likely have gaps in their own development which the pass alongto their children. Teaching a child to be vulnerable involvesmodeling accountability and honesty as well as the sharing of power. (This is a major issue in patriarchy, both for men and for women.)

If the parent doesn't esteem their child as a valuable person whojust happens to be little and in need of care their respect as wellas their care, they will grow up with deficits in their developmentwhich are passed on to their children. Unfortunately, there are manyChristian traditions that misinterpret Scripture and fail in some ofthese tasks in particular. Piety fosters perfectionism andhyper-authoritarianism fosters shame and lack of self care thathonors the Image of God in us. Systems like those advocated by theBotkin Family and Vision Forum create life-long dependency problemsbased on gender hierarchy. Many of the teachings embraced within theIndependent Fundamentalist Baptist churches place a similar emphasison sexuality which, for the survivors of Hephzibah House, creates thejustification for their abuse.

Pia Mellody in FacingCodependence (pp 78 - 80):

In addition tomisdirecting these three characteristics, dysfunctional caregivers donot respond appropriately to children's five natural attributes ofvalue, vulnerability, imperfection, dependency, and immaturity. Instead these caregivers either ignore or attack children for thevery essence of who they are, creating an intense experience of shamein the children. Inordinate shaming happens to children when theylose contact with the sense that they are adequate and have valuefrom within, even when making mistakes, having needs or beingimmature. . . .

Children arenaturally innocent, inexperienced, naïve and believe that theircaregiver can do no wrong. But in fact, caregivers often attack orabuse children for having the normal traits of imperfection,dependency and immaturity. As a result, the children lose their ownsense of value (since they can't see that the fault might lie withthe caregivers). Also the fact that abuse is occurring means theparents aren't demonstrating boundaries, so the children don'tdevelop their own boundary systems properly.

When thecaregivers ignore or attack children's natural characteristics,children develop dysfunctional survival traits to keep from feelingcrazy and yet still maintain the belief that the caregivers arealways right.

Excerpt from

PiaMellody's

FacingCodependence:

WhatIt Is, Where It Comes From,

HowIt Sabotages Our Lives

HarperOne/Harper Collins, NY (1989; 2003)

Misunderstanding and Punishing the Character of Children as a Root of Victimization

2012-01-15T00:51:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I pointedout that the girls who survived incarceration at Hephzibah House(HH) suffered both trauma/torture and spiritual abuse, and uponleaving, they struggle with unique problems including traumareenactment, revictimization, and an inability to self-protect. Though some of this relates directly to the debilitation of the selfcreated by the harsh conditions at HH, the roots of these relateddeficits are created in childhood. Many other fundamentalist andcultic evangelical groups share ideologies that predispose childrento these common patterns of dysfunction. I believe that to fullyunderstand the nature of problems such as problems with selfprotection, one must understand the root causes.

The Nature and Character of Children

To raise a child well, it gives toreason that a person should have a good understanding of the capabilities of children in order for parents to setreasonable expectations for children in terms of their behavior andtheir anticipated understanding. Many of the common problems seen inspiritually abusive religious groups begin with a misunderstanding ofthe capabilities (and needs) of children, and the misconceptionseventually produce patterns of dysfunctional thought and behavior inadults within the system.

Consider the three very obviouscharacteristics of children: they have incredible amounts of energy,they are very resilient, and because of the way themind develops and learning takes place, children are veryself-centered, initially aware of only their ownexperiences. In a recent post discussing levelsof consciousness based on brain development, thisself-centeredness can be understood as a physical limitation as achild first learns “how to be” before he learns how to fit intothe world around him. The child eventually grows beyond thisself-centeredness developmentally (both physically andpsychologically), but their first standard of comparison of how to bein the world begins with the self as a standard of comparison. Parents teach the standard to their children by modeling the standardfor the child and by serving as a mirror in which the child can seethemselves so that they can understand their own behavior.

Expectations of Parents

These considerations are all quitephilosophical, and they aren't of primary importance to parents whilethey are overwhelmed with the management of the practical needs ofthe newborn or the tiring busyness of a rambunctious two year old. Just the “battle fatigue” of raising young children alone canfrustrate parents, and this might lead them to feel frustrated bythat endless energy and that adaptability of children, too. A parentmay not stop to consider that the child needs that energy and thatability to bounce from experience to experience in theirself-centered ways in order to grow effectively into adulthood.

In that respect, the child'sself-centered nature, their busy energy, and their resilience are thevital and necessary gifts that they are given to accomplish themonumental task of growing up. But consider that the parent whopunishes a child for these traits or abuses their child for havingthese traits depletes these needed gifts and energy, stealing themfrom the child. The child pays the price for this diversion of theirresources, and as adults, it is up to them to go back to master thedevelopment that they may not have achieved.

Common Misconceptions About theImmaturity of Children

One pitfall that often takes placewithin Christian fundamentalism is the punishment of the child'sself-centered nature. There is a time and a purpose for everythingunder heaven, including this aspect of a child, but an inexperiencedor a demanding parent (who may be uncomfortable with balancing theirown wants and needs) may expect too much Christian orientedself-sacrifice from a child too soon. A parent may also expect theyoung child to have few needs – and young children are especiallyneedy! The parent with unrealistic expectations may teach a youngchild at an early age that they should have no needs at all,God-given or otherwise. They may also teach the child to feel guiltyif they ridicule or criticize the chld for having needs or if theparent complains about having to statisfy both wants and needs. Theparent may misinterpret the child's need as greed, failing to see thebalance and the difference between needs and wants, misinterpretingboth as sinful indulgence.

One of the developmental tasks of theself-centered child includes the development of healthy self-esteemwhich begins with the child's learning to love themselves. Jesusimplies that this is essential to properly relating to others andincludes appropriateself-love as part of the two greatest commandments whichencompass the Law and the Prophets. However, many Christians fail totake this self-love into consideration and interpret it as conceit.

Some misinterpret Paul's admonishmentto “esteemothers better through lowliness of mind” as a cause to haveless than appropriate or low esteem for oneself. “Notto be ministered unto, but to minister” can also bemisconstrued into feelings of shame during seasons of need. BillGothard extendsthis idea which confuses humility and shame, teaching that allshould should actively submit to all suffering without protest todevelop humility. He takes the principle of generosity andcompassion too far out of balance, claiming that God requires Hisfollowers to relinquish all personal rights of justice by denying theappropriate balance of forgiving tolerance between mercy and justice. This promotes the development of a lack of respect for the self andresults in a disrespect for the image of God in the person.

Ultimately, problems of this type stemback to the parent's lack of proper esteem for others, and amongthose others for parents come their children. They may believe thatchildren should serve their parents as opposed to serving God byraising them, being good stewards of the precious people God hasplaced in their care.

And ultimately, the child learnsbalance from the parent through all of these things which require theparent to exercise self-control. If the parent has difficultyunderstanding the difference between needs and wants because of theirown maturity issues, they cannot give to their children what theylack themselves. The parent may understand that they have no rightsor may be made to feel guilty for their own God-given needs, so theylack the perspective of balance and cannot pass that on to theirchildren. They may suffer from a “shame-existence bind”themselves, believe that they shouldn't have needs, while knowingthat they cannot endure life without help from others. Human beingsrequire a healthy level of interpersonal dependence, because wecannot meet all of our needs by ourselves. We are interdependentcreatures, but if the parent lacks this understanding or has learnedshame regarding their own needs, how can they pass that on to theirchild?

And the parent may also haveunreasonable expectations that the Christian life and parenting as anexperience that is largely free of tension or pain. Balance is not astate of floating bliss. Balance is the artful skill and dynamicprocess of managing two competing forces at the same time. Thatrequires effort, and sometimes it is nothing short of very hard work. The child also learns this from the parent, and as an adult, thatchild may gravitate towards extremes because this their parent taughtthem through their own example. They may see frustration as sinfuland may be uncomfortable sitting with their frustrations and theinternal discomfort that maturity requires. If their parent lackedfrustration tolerance, it is likely that they required their childrento pay the bill for their own needs. We see this pattern in thebehavior of men like VoddieBaucham and Michael Pearl who tolerate no repeated error in theirchildren, asking of them more than God asks of adults. Child of suchfamilies grow up and very likely pass this along to their ownchildren by being intolerant of their immaturity.

At the heart of love is respect, and atthe heart of respect is balance (self-control), the willingness andability to tolerate frustration. Either due to lack of maturity ordue to aberrant religious ideas that result from poor interpretationsof Scripture, some Christians understand their faith in terms ofbeing unbalanced, unable or tolerate diversity. If the parent lacksbalance, then their sense of respect for themselves and otherssuffers, and respect of a person's personhood is the minimumrequirement of real and healthy love. Quite often, the parent withlack of balance, respect, and love translates those issues intounreasonable expectations for their children, and they pass theirdiscomfort and frustration on to them. The child then pays the pricefor the parent's lack of maturity and mastery of the tasks ofadulthood.

In the next post,

we will look at more specific characteristics of children

that contribute dysfunction when their weaknesses are

not appropriately anticipated by adults.

The Effects of Trauma and Abuse at Hephzibah House: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part X of X

2012-01-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

In this conclusion ofthis series examining Lifton's thought reform criteria of DoctrineOver Person, we come back full circle to that which prompted thediscussion.

Good vs Evil Pastors and Shepherds

Likening people to sheep and pastors toshepherds, the Bible warns us many times of the existence of thosewho fall beow the Bible's standard of love and care for those inleadership. A notable theme in the parables and teachings of Jesus who set the ultimate standard for the good shepherd, Hewarns followers to be aware of evil religious leaders. He talks ofearnest people whom He likens to scattered sheep with absentshepherds, moved with compassion for them becaos of theirhopelessness (Matt 9:35-38, Mark 6:33-34). In John, Chapter 10,Jesus also talks about hapless shepherds that the KJV calls hirelingswho can apparently perform required tasks but lack the needed senseof care and compassion for sheep.

Other examples offered in the Biblenote the undesirable pastors who exploit their power and position ofauthority (1 Peter 5:1-4). And there are the examples of theshepherds who treat their sheep like a commodity used for personalgain, as things to be used. And some exhibit terrible cruelty anddeceit, just because they are wicked men who can get away with it(Zechariah 11, Jeremiah 5:26-31). And one of the most obvious of these analogies is that of the wolf in sheep's clothing (Matt 7:15, Acts 20:29).

In Ezekiel34, the Prophet writes:

Woe be to theshepherds of Israel that do feed themselves! Should not the shepherdsfeed the flocks? Ye eat the fat, and ye clothe you with the wool, yekill them that are fed: but ye feed not the flock. The diseasedhave ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick,neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have yebrought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought thatwhich was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them. And they were scattered, because there is no shepherd: and theybecame meat to all the beasts of the field, when they were scattered. My sheep wandered through all the mountains, and upon every highhill: yea, my flock was scattered upon all the face of the earth, andnone did search or seek after them.

The Business of Supporting EvilShepherds

I have spent many hours reading thetestimonies of former residents of HephzibahHouse (HH), talking with them and corresponding with them. Fromall that I have gathered, at the very least, there is some cause tobelieve that Ron Williams (the proprietor of HH) has demonstrated allof these undesirable traits in the care of the wounded lambs, thegirls, who were placed in his care. Jesus Himself devoted muchattention to the topic of caring lovingly and selflessly for sheep(regardlessof whether they were “good sheep”), never advocating crueltyor harsh treatment. He also demonstrated a very atypical,countercultural kindness and care towards women, setting analtogether different standard than the misogynous one we hear spokenof at HH.

(Note: On the subject of howJesus treated women, please read AdeleHebert's lovely and scholarly work at the OvercomingBotkin Syndrome blog, and in an additional post found HERE. I'm very grateful for Adele's contributions; some of her writingis also featured in the QuiveringDaughters book as well as at GodsWordToWomen.org.)

Ten days ago, someone who thinks quitehighly of Ron Willams posted ablog commentary in support which many found quite inflammatory,not only because of his staunch defense of Williams and HH, butbecause of his cruel manner and demeanor. Though I see his behavioras something that confirms the thesis of spiritual abuse andconfirmation bias at work, the blogger's behavior does offend anddiscourage those women who have braved rejection and ridicule to comeforward to bear witness to the abject cruelty and abuse that RonWilliams inflicted upon them, just like the shepherds who scatter,abuse, and use sheep with utter disregard.

But the discussion also broughtattention to a more difficult issue concerning those who work toexpose and stop the abuse of young women at Hephzibah House and theprofiteering off of them. Lucinda Pennington was again offered up asevidence for Williams' virtue and as a testimony against other formerHH residents.

The Case of Lucinda Pennington

Lucinda is a former resident of HH,known for her high esteem for Ron Williams (the proprietor), herdenial that the conditions at HH constituted acceptable disciplinefor teens, and what some describe as an aggressive, non-empatheticattitude towards other survivors of HH who speak out about theabusive conditions there. As Lucinda discusses in various versionsof her testimonies which appear and disappear on the internet and areapparently detailed in a book she has written (which I have not yetread), she suffered terrible experiences at the hands of variousabusers within the foster system from the time of her infancy. (Read an online testimony Here in Part I and Part II.)

In the process of looking for answersabout conditions at HH, may people find it confusing that Lucinda'stestimony differs so vastly from those of other former residentswhich form the majority of consistent, corroborating testimones thatspan some 30 years or more from thesurvivors, former staff members, and remorseful mothers. May ofthe sermonsof Ron Williams also corroborate a motive for abuse, as his ownpoor opinions and prejudices are woven into his theology andideology.

To those who trust Lucinda's testimonywhich denies abusive conditions at the home, I hope that they willconsider the information presented here concerning Doctrine Overperson, the trauma response, and why she may have latered herperceptions of experiences as a means of coping with her own abuse,both prior to and during her residence at HH. The possibility existsthat Lucinda's treatment was exceptional while groomed by Williams asa HH “model citizen.” In closed groups, such exemplars are givenpreferential treatment for serving as examples of desired behavior. Remember also that spiritually abusive groups are consumed with animage consciousness, both to intensify control over members throughexample (or competition) within the group and to demonstrate thevirtues of the group to those on the outside, proving that they aremore special to God than everyone else.

Williams was reported to have sentLucinda for a lie detector evaluation, but no other residents wererequired to undergo testing. As a master manipulator, Williams wouldhave been especially adept at spotting the most malleable girls whocould serve as ambassadors for HH. This grooming and double standardtreatment, if it existed, could have well been perceived by Lucindaas validation from Williams, enhancing the bond of covertemotional influence and traumaticbond with him. Anderson Cooper mentionson AC360 that Williams offered her to them as a source forpositive feedback about HH, so this positive reinforcement may be acontinued and ongoing influence in Lucinda's life today. And theremay be no specific reason why Williams may have treated Lucindadifferently, as it is irrational to expect irrational people tobehave in rational ways. There may be no express or obvious reasonfor a double standard that Lucinda may have enjoyed if it was notsomething she created in her mind through a Doctrine Over Personresponse.

Someof the claims that Lucinda has made speak of the typicalcompulsion to repeat trauma (another ineffective coping mechanism) asevidenced by sensationalsounding accounts of revictimization after leaving HH, and even claims that her church paddled her before the congregation at age 19 or 20 (the age varies between accounts). She alsodescribes an unusually aggressive spankingsession while at HH wherein she's confined in a prone position on the floor, held by two people with a third person who paddledher, a chair on top of her back, and with some suggestion that afourth party may have been required to sit on the chair to restrainher for what she insists were only for three mild swats. Shedescribes the event as though it was a reasonable experience that wasnot out of the ordinary, all told in an inappropriately flataffect which one could interpret as highly suggestive ofdissociation, or at the very least, a lack of reasonable andappropriate perspective.

(Note: Thecommon compulsion in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to repeatand reenact trauma combined with self-protection deficits whichcontribute significantly to revictimization will a be a theme inupcoming posts on this blog, specifically because it is a significantproblem for young women after exiting HH, as Lucinda's own testimonyattests.)

For Consideration

If any of thesefactors are remotely true concerning Doctrine Over Person in theexample of Lucinda – and I think that given the matters exploredin this series of posts that there is adequate reason to considerthat they are true in Lucinda's case – please consider that those who encourage andsupport Lucinda in her advocacy of Ron Williams and Hephzibah Houseonly help to enable and deepen her trauma.

To those who citeLucinda as evidence in support of Ron Williams, have you consideredthat you might be making sport of one of his mostunfortunate victims and only reinforce the harm done to her by addingto the millstone of trauma that she already bears?

Additional Factors Contributing to Doctrine Over Person Pressures at Hephzibah House: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part IX of X (Summary and Review)

2012-01-13T11:39:00.001-05:00

While applicable to anyone who wishesto understand thought conversion in a manipulative relisious system,this review of Doctrine Over Person takes into consideration theunique experiences of those who endured time at Hephzibah House (HH),offering what also becomes a review of spiritual abuse and thoughtreform in general. As a consequence of the motivation for the review(zealous support of an abuser and his profoundly abusive system), thetheme of abuse and torture influenced my approach to the materialwhich may or may not be as applicable to other less extrememanipulative systems. HH resident Lucinda Pennington and heradvocacy of HH which frustrates other HH survivors also presented aprimary and perhaps greater motivation for this review. I am of theopinion that she presents a prime example of a person whose memoriesand perspective have been transformed through the trauma of DoctrineOver Person.

The manipulation at HH involves manycomplex factors beyond the typicalreligious/spiritual abuse experience and the uniquetrauma syndrome suffered by those after religious abuse. Theconsiderations of traumatic childhood experiences suffered by youngwomen there (before their residence at HH), the effects of trauma onnormal growth and development), the level of interpersonaldysfunction fostered at HH (lack/denial of personal boundariesas well as identity),the uniqueemotional abuse factors, the intensity of the conditions there,and the overt focus on sexualityat HH (atype of covert sexual abuse) create a unique and complex traumaexperience. May this summary be a significant step towardsaddressing all of those factors, pointing many towards much neededhealing and restoration.

(HINT: If you are a Survivor of HH,please take special note of the embedded links in the post which werechosen specifically to address the unique challenges that you faceand were placed here for your benefit and learning. Learning aboutmanipulation and trauma will help you overcome your experience bytaking the power out of it which will allow you to develop masteryover it. Please take away with you the message of hope that you arenot isolated, and that, more than anything, your experiences typifytrauma. The specifics of what you endured may be unique, but theexperience of trauma is not. Many very effective healing resourcescan help you on your journey of restoration. And more resourcesbecome available every day.)

Review of DoctrineOver Person

Introduction and History

When attending to the care ofWesterners and soldiers liberated from Chinese POW camps where theywere held during the Korean War, RobertLifton identified certain patterns of behavior, thoughts, andemotions in the survivors. From his study of the prisoners and theirexperiences, he identified what became the gold standard forunderstanding all groups that practice ideological totalism. Anotherresearcher who did similar work created an alternate list (Biderman'sChart of Coercion) which has been used specifically to addressdomestic abuse, and it can also be helpful toward understanding thecovert nature of authoritarian-oriented abuse.

The term totalism describescomplete and unrestrained power of a system or government, but theygain and maintain that power through a well constructed idealismwhich presumes to achieve some desirable objective. Such groups useidealism to persuade and convince people to comply with the demandsof the system which presume be of benefit to the follower, though thegroup's means paradoxically work to exploit/misuse the individualgroup member in predictable ways.

As the Apostle Paul identified in theworksof the flesh (common pitfalls of human nature), I understandLifton's criteria as a list of spiritually abusive patternsdescribing what the works of the flesh become when they are used tocontrol groups. Anyone with a human nature, Christian or otherwise,can fall into these patterns. (Readmore HERE about whether the Bible addresses “spiritual abuse”and which Scriptures discuss it.)

From Lifton's ThoughtReform and the Psychology of Totalism (p 420):

These criteriaconsist of eight psychological themes which are predominant withinthe social field of the thought reform milieu. Each has a totalisticquality; each depends on an equally absolute philosophicalassumption; and each mobilizes certain emotional tendencies, mostlyof a polarizing nature. . . .In combination, they create anatmosphere which may temporarily energize or exhilarate, or which atthe same time poses the gravest of human threats.

Read the entire chapter concerning theeight themes Lifton identified HEREonline at the Apologetics Index.

The Tactic of Doctrine OverPerson

Steven Martin (a Christian andcounselor) describes Lifton's Doctrine Over Person in this way in hisbook The Heresyof Mind Control: Con Artists, Tyrants and Spiritual Abuse inLeadership:

Doctrine OverPerson consists of fitting everything under the leader's dominatingcontrol into a pre-conceived mold. This involves:
Human experience and the interpretation of those experiences
Human feelings and the interpretation of those feelings
Disregarding one's feelings or sensitivities
No appreciation of someone's talents, individuality or creativity; the only goal is to fit everyone and their personalities into the dominating influence of the one in control, opposing diversity and individual differences
The rigidity of the doctrinal mold resists adaptation even when adaptation may prove to be best
The rewriting of history to fit the system of the doctrinal mold.

Stating itanother way, the controller reinterprets the personal feelings andexperiences of the group members to fit his own dominating views andinfluence. He disregards and remolds past events, individualdifferences and capabilities to fit his own preconceived mold. Inessence, the controller rejects everything that does not fit into hispreconceived mold and framework (pg 109).

How Doctrine Over Person Works

Because of psychological pressures froman authority or authoritarian group, intense emotional arousal,physical factors, and isolation, normal, rational people reinterpretpast events in ways that are contrary to fact in order to cope andmaintain a cohesive sense of self. As RobertCialdini points out, it is a very human trait to seek to pleaseauthority figures, to be well liked, and to appear consistent. Thesepressures are a component of Doctrine Over Person and add to thecomplex process of thought reform. The AschConformity Study points out the power of social pressure, and theMilgramExperiment demonstrates the profound effect of authority,displaced responsibility, and moral disengagement. These powerfulforces also help to produce the Doctrine Over Person effect.

Closed systems demand that followersboth demonstrate moral purity as defined by the group while ignoringany inconsistencies, and they must also affirm that the teachings andleadership of the group are infallible. This creates a doublebind or a no-win situation for the follower who inevitably copesby creating an “alternateversion of sincerity” which affirms the group and displacestheir own moral responsibility, giving it over to the group and theleaders. The coping strategy allows the individual to balance theseincongruent pressures to reducetheir tremendous psychological stress.

As a consequence ofsuppressing their own personalities, perspective, and forbiddeninternal doubts about the group, members are forced to confabulateevents which accomplish all of these imposed demands. Followers“affirm the myth” through the creationof fantasies (“delusions of wholeness”) about the virtue ofthe system and the leader (theSacred Science), one of the primary, informal and unspokendemands of any closed system. The follower must also affirm abnormalbehavior within the group and the double standard enjoyed byleadership as acceptable and normal as well. The response of denialand fantasy allows the person to avoid the sense of nihilism createdby the double bind.

Factors that Enhance Doctrine OverPerson

The power of the effectiveness of thesetactics that work to cause a person to redact their personal historyand perceptions as well as embrace abnormal behavior can be enhancedby other factors which in some way cause a person to enterpsychologically vulnerable states that can be completely irresistibledepending on those factors. Overt factors like a diet of verylimited protein and essential fatty acids necessary for good brainfunction, starvation, or torture present more obvious examples ofinduced vulnerabilty; however, subtle factors can be equallyeffective over time. Fatigue, hunger, tragedy, and personal crisesalso set a person “off balance” making all peoplevulnerable to manipulation at some given point.

More subtle tactics involve brainwaveentrainment (lighting, sound, felt rhythm), physiologic responses(diaphragmatic breathing, gazing higher than 30 degrees above acomfortable forward gaze), or other factors (confusing information orinduction of negative emotion). These triggers slow down brainfunction from an alert state of critical, analytical, rationalthought, (Beta waves exhibited on EEG above 12 Htz) into a moredreamlike and relaxed state (Alpha waves on EEG ranging from 8-12Htz), the ideal state for hypnosis. (Read more HERE.) When an individual has beencovertly lulled into an Alpha level of consciousness, they stopevaluating communication and tend to agree with the speaker. Behavioral compliance (a factor that Bidermanexplains well) also reinforces and enhances this effect (why salesmenwant you to touch a product and share your contact information). Read additional material concerning this type of pressure to enhancethought conversion HERE.

Trauma and Doctrine over Person

Trauma alters how a person thinks and responds, whether that trauma is physical, emotional,life-threatening, or perceived, and it should not be discounted inthe dynamic of Doctrine Over Person. Personal vulnerability andperception are quite subjective, varying greatly between persons, butthis in no way limits the development of a survival response and theprofound effect that it can have on an individual. Perceived traumacan be just as devastating as a profound physical trauma, and how thebrain processes traumatic events is as much a physical function as itis a psychological one. The brain as a physical organ like any otherresponds in a complex way to help ensure survival.

When a person's healing is inhibited ortheir ability to protect themselves fails, the survival responsetends to remain active long after the threatening situation hasresolved, and it can be triggered later in response to perceived oranticipated threat. Triggered memories that feel as though they areas real, ongoing, intense, and threatening as the initial traumaticevent, though it no longer poses any threat are a core experience ofa prolonged trauma response, the core experience of Post TraumaticStress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD ensues when this healthy survivalresponse fails to shut down properly, and it's mechanisms areprimarily physical responses in the brain as opposed to somespiritual problem or moral shortcoming.

Dissociationor the feeling of being absent from mind, body, or situation(producing a psychologically protective amnesia if necessary)surfaces as a coping mechanism to help a person survive a trauma andkeep on living thereafter. It creates distance between a person'sfull awareness and a threatening situation. (People who exit highdemand religious groups and manipulative relationships manifest highlevels of dissociation.) The response is a healthy one if itresolves soon after the trauma but can become a chronic problemhealing is inhibited in some way. A Doctrine Over Person responsecan be one way a person copes with a suffered trauma by reshapingpast events or perceptions to meet the demands of an intolerantauthority. Dissociation helps to induce and reinforce this response. (Unfortunately, some types of coping help us survive but are noteffective after the threat resolves, or they are not as effective asother alternative of ideal ways of coping. Healing involves findingthose more effective ways of dealing with threat and loss.)

Harsh conditions, both physical andpsychological, help enhance and reinforce Doctrine Over Person. Dr.Margaret Singer (an associate and contemporary of Lifton andBiderman) expandedupon early theory explaining thought reform, detailing additionalpressures designed to produce thought and memory conversion as themerge with the group:

Deception in the recruitment process and throughout membership
Debilitiation because of the hours, degree of commitment, the psychological pressures, and the inner constriction and strife
Dependency as a result of being cut off from the outside world
Dread because of beliefs instilled by the cult; a person who leaves will find no real life on the outside
Desensitization so that things that once would have troubled them no longer do (for example, learning that money collected from fund raising is supporting the leader's lavish lifestyle rather than the cause for which it was given, or seeing children badly abused or even killed)

Examples of the Doctrine Over PersonEffect

Several members of the IngramFamily fell into patterns of Doctrine Over Person when anotherone of Lifton's eight identified techniques called mysticalmanipulation started a cascade of events that profoundly andadversely affected the whole family. In their circumstance, theygenerated a very negative fantasy to meet the expectations andpressures imposed by an evangelist and police interrogators. Similarly, Robert Lifton discussed how prisonerslost the ability to distinguish real from imagined events as wellas the attempts of their captors to persuade them to accept andaffirm Communism, deny religious beliefs, renounce their governments,and admit to acts of subversive terrorism. Within abusive religiousgroups, participants are required to denytheir own perceptions (and even deny their health problems),reinterpreting them as illusions in order to defer to the opinions ofthe group or leader.

At Hephzibah House, girls were forcedto think of themselves as undeserving creatures who weresomething less than human to avoid pain and punishment, but thehabituation and the effects of the abuse at HH created lastingbeliefs that they must work to overcome after exiting theenvironment. They were also required to accept certain abusivepractices as normal and deserved. If they would not agree with thepractices through mental assent, then they were certainly habituatedto accept them through forced debilitation and desensitization.

Read one additionalupcoming post

concerning former HHresident, Lucinda Pennington

as an example ofDoctrine Over Person.

Post Traumatic Stress as a Physical Process and the Inadequacies of Some Types of Biblical Counseling: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part VIII

2012-01-12T09:53:00.000-05:00

In the previouspost, I alluded to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as asignificant factor in the development of DoctrineOver Person, contributing to the process of losing perspective ofwhat is true and acceptable behavior when under the pressure of amanipulator or a closed system. To understand disruption of ahealthy response to trauma, it's important to understand a bit ofwhat's going on in the brain in response to an actual or perceivedthreat. A good, basic Christian book which discusses different areasof the brain and their discrete functions is Earl Henslin's Thisis Your Brain On Joy: A Revolutionary Program for Balancing Mood,Restoring Brain Health, and Nurturing Spiritual Growth. Understanding more about what these separate brain areas do helps todemystify the trauma response.

Brain Structures

The brain is a complex organ of thebody with several different sub-structures that govern differentfunctions. If you look at this picture of the human brain structuresthat are compared to that of the shark, notice the blue area. The“higher” brain functions of human beings (reason, anticipationof consequences, ethics, morals, finding meaning in living, etc.)all take place in the purplish blue area. Beta waves which areassociated with full consciousness in the adult are generated in thefront part of the blue area of the brain (just above where theword “human” appears in the diagram). By comparison, sharksdon't do too much of that, but most of their lives are consumed withpursuing prey for food, for example, and the tasks that are necessaryfor survival. Much less of their brain is devoted to higher levelthought.

For the sake of simplicity, think ofeverything that's not that purplish blue color in the brain as thethe parts of the brain that involve the survival response. The loweryou go (from top to bottom), the more basic the functions are, withbreathing and heart rate control centered in the bottom of the brain(at the bulging area where the spinal cord meets the “brain stem,”those aqua and pink areas). In the middle, between the top andbottom (the yellow and green bits on the diagram), are thecomplex structures that govern the very automatic and non-rationalsurvival response within the brain.

Survival Response

When faced with a real or perceivedthreat, this middle part of the brain becomes very active, overrideseverything instinctively, and takes control. Bloodflow shunts away from the blue areas as the other structures kickinto overdrive to save your life (as the rational part,the prefrontalcortex or PFC) becomes inhibited). Studies haveshown that when a person has not had childhood trauma and when theyare able to respond to the threat which results in the avoidance ofharm, when the threat resolves, all parts of the brain go back to ahealthy baseline within a short period. The system effectively didexactly what it is meant to do.

For a short time during and immediatelyafter this exciting and very emotional process takes place as part ofthe brain and body's survival system, when it kicks in, it altersconsciousness, and rational thought actually becomes suppressedsomewhat. People tend to do super-human acts under suchcircumstances, and their agility and responses become heightened,creating the energy and raw emotion needed for survival. If theperson waited to think about a response, they'd never survive certainthreats because it would take too long. This is a very instantaneousphysiologic response and it is automatic or instinctive.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

From the study of trauma, it is knownthat more people who are not able to avoid harm in response to traumatend to develop a chronic problem with PTSD, a condition wherethis survival system remains on active alert for threats and“runs in the background,” despite the fact that the conditions ofthe original threat are no longer in place. The switch to thewhole system gets physiologically stuck in the “On” position,remaining prepared for additional threats. The other primarypopulation of people whose survival system tends to remain activeincludes adults who suffered trauma when they were children, perhapshaving never adequately healed from their earlier experience.

Jeremy Deller's Memory Bucket

Any experience that remotely remindsthese folks of the previous trauma including subtle conditions ormemories related to the event will cause the system to turn on and gointo overdrive, just as if the original threatening situation wastaking place all over again. These triggers may not seem rational,and triggers can even include things like a faint smell in the airwhich triggers a related memory having nothing to do with the trauma. (Readmore HERE about reverberating circuits of memory.) That long lasting PTSD survival response is neither helpful nor productive, and it causes other parts of the brain tobasically wall themselves off from one another creating a verypredictable set of responses. In ineffective trauma processing, the activation stops in the amygdala, and never progresses for processing by the basal ganglia, causing the constant activation of the system.

Susan Grotte describes a vivid PTSDtrigger inthis post, a trigger related to being beaten on the floor of the“blue room” at Hephzibah House. These types of vivid, detailed,intrusive, traumatic memories that feel like they are still ongoing(what some call “flashbacks”) are a core symptom of PTSD.

Dissociation as a Survival Mechanism

One of the other features mentioned byDr. Boriskin in this video(also in the previous post) concerns dissociation. Part of what thebrain does to allow us to do things to help us survives involves thecreation of a sense of distance from the event, and this is alsogoverned by that non-rational area of the brain. This sense ofdistance can be mild which is experienced as a feeling that thingsare not real. A greater degree of it might make someone feel “tunnelvision” or a blanking out of everything else going on around them,except for the threat. If the mind copes by creating a greaterdistance between the person's consciousness and the threat, a theymay feel like they left their body, and some people will describevery traumatic events as though they are watching themselves in ascene from a distance, the brain's creative way of putting more safedistance between consciousness and the threatening experience. Itallows people to function to survive. In a healthy responseto trauma, the dissociative symptoms resolve quickly, most definitelywithin six months.

After a trauma, if it is disturbingenough, a greater degree of distance between the event andconsciousness can manifest as amnesia, as the brain and thestructures in the brain create a barrier of protection around thememory or fail to store it altogether. This is governed by thehormones released in the brain at the time of the event in manycases., and the structure which converts experiences into long termmemory (the hippocampus)can actually be altered (through interrupted development or atrophy)by trauma, depression, and some more severe mental illnesses. Dissociative Identity Disorder (what people used to call multiplepersonality disorder) is the most rare and maladaptive form ofdissociation, the extreme of the expression of a survival responsewhich generally develops in cases of chronic trauma (abuse) inchildhood.

Why Certain Types ofBiblical/Nouthetic Counseling

Do Not Help and MayAggravate PTSD

The problem with many well meaningpeople concerning this failure of the survival response to shut downis the idea that PTSD is a rational process of thought that can beovercome by spiritual warfare or thinking good things or throughforgiveness. For the person who gets stuck in this syndrome ofsurvival and perceived threat, these measures actually make thingsworse. Some Christians see PTSD and chronic problems related tosuffered loss or pain as sinful self-indulgence, when what we can nowobserve through brain imaging and what we know from treatment andhealing of the condition, this id of rational though has nothing todo with the process.

Suppression and Pronounced Activitiyof Certain Brain Areas in Trauma

Based on both practical findings inworking with PTSD patients and based upon what can now be discernedthrough brain imaging by following patients through recovery withneuroimaging, we've learned a great deal about the experience andeffective treatment of the disorder.

People in PTSD tend to feel isolatedand pessimistic about the future, in addition to remaining on alertto threat, a response called hypervigilance. This physiologic response reduces critical thinking in response to atrauma trigger, and affected individuals also have difficultyconcentrating in general because the survival centers in the brainremain overactive (so they make fewerBeta waves on EEG). And, according to researcher, BesselVan der Kolk, MD, a particular part of the brain also shuts down,as though it is not even there.

There is a region in the brain in thearea of the posteriorcingulate gyrus (PCG) that activates which allows a person torealize “Yes! This statement refers tome.” That ability torealize that things relate to the self is governed and located inthis particular region of the brain. It allows us to identify withcertain ideas that pertain to us and is a very active part ofexperiencing empathy and compassion. When active, this area of thebrain experiences more blood flow and metabolism which can bedetected and monitored with SPECT neural imaging. In people withPTSD, when a person is told positive messages of encouragement,instead of the brain recognizing those positive messages aspertaining to them which would result in lots of activity on the scanof the brain as this area responds to those messages, this areaof the brain shuts down. During SPECT or f PET scans,this area of the brain lies dormant.

Limitations of Nouthetic Counseling

When “Biblical” counselors come toa person who is in PTSD and they state the laundry list of typicalencouraging statements, the person suffering from PTSD cannotidentify those statements and truths as being applicable to them. They probably apply to everyone else, and they may be true foreveryone else, but the person affected by PTSD cannot understand on apersonal level that these statements apply to them, too. For thosewho heal, I think it's nothing short of miraculous because ofthis physical block in the process of understanding. But rememberthat PTSD is not about what is rational but what will ensure survivalin the immediate sense.

(Side Note: Read more about Nouthetic Counseling of this type HERE. I'm not a fan and take more of a fact and research based, objective,clinical approach to mental health. Scripture and spiritual warfare,what most mental health would understand as Cognitive BehavioralTherapy, plays a vital and essential role in recovery for aChristian. I don't advocate against the focus of Christianprinciple in recovery. But I do think that apart from direct andobvious issues resulting from sin, the nouthetic approach does moreharm than good for people who are healing from trauma. I believe that Lucinda Pennington is training as a nouthetic type of "Biblical" counselor.)

When a Nouthetic Counselor comes to aperson with PTSD and lists the typical laundry list of trustworthyScriptures about how much God loves them, how precious they are, howGod's plans for them are good and not evil, that God offers richbenefits of healing and reward for those who love Him and that Hecares for his wounded and precious lambs, the person with PTSD seesthese statements and ideas as having nothing to do with them. Physiologically, their brain prevents them from really comprehendingand certainly from identifying with those statements.

What is rather curious is that whenpeople with PTSD who are hypervigilant concerning perceived threat,when they are told positive statements, rather than producingreassurance, in many cases and in some studies, the areas that governa response to threat and aggression become active. That stress response also works to diminish activity in the front ofthe brain – that rational, Beta wave-making part of the brain. Sorather than causing a person to be at ease, to be more positive abouthow God sees them, and to shift into a healthier perspective that ismore optimistic, this type of counsel does little to help the personand may actually make them feel much worse and sensethat they are under an additional threat. Their skepticism is notdue to prejudice, lack of effort, or even poor moral fiber on theirpart, it is a physical response that is meant to help them survive aperceived threat.

Compounding this problem is thetendency of nouthetic counselors to see resistance to this optimismas a willful choice to resist God's truth which they often assumeresults from some deep seated sin or sinful motive. So they focus onmore rational thought and end up sending messages of condemnation topeople who are suffering from this kind of trauma. This is entirelyapart from any other aberrant theological ideas that a “Biblical”counselor might hold that molested children are morally culpable intheir own abuse for soliciting their abuser. (Ron Williams hasreferred to Lucinda Pennington as a “concubine” of her stepfatherin order to fit “Biblical” terminology, and heand his wife taught girls at Hephzibah House that they played anactive role in soliciting sexual abuse and attention, even if andwhen they were small children.)

Finding a Witness and an Ally

There are are many things that can bedone to treat PTSD that can allow for the positive encouragement ofeffective Biblical Counseling to get through to a person sufferingfrom PTSD after they've purged the sense of threat throughdesensitization and reprocessing. That involves walking through thetrauma with what Dr.Judith Herman describes as a witness and an ally who isexperienced in dealing with complex trauma, or perhaps just a friendwho is willing to tolerate the process of supporting their loved onein an effective way that helps them move through the experience.

Somatic therapy and reconnecting with the feelings in the body thatthe mind suppresses is very helpful, as is physical activity, andother targeted therapies for trauma like EyeMovement Desensitization and Reprocessing all of which cause areflexive calming of the survival centers in the brain which bringsthem back ito balance and health. Antidepressants can be moderatelyhelpful but offerno cure. As Van der Kolk phrases it, antidepressants “shortenthe fuse” of a person's negative reactions and frustration, butthey are not curative. They can be helpful for clients while theyare working toward healing the root of the problem, that overactivesurvival system which needs to be soothed and restored to normalfunction.

Oddly enough, PTSD works to protect aperson from feeling overwhelmed by their trauma by avoidance, butfocus on working through the specific feelings and emotions of thetrauma unlocks the power of the disorder (what a nouthetic counselormight consider “dwelling on the past in bitterness”). Thetrauma response makes a person numb through dissociation, but healingbegins with facing, feeling, and moving through suppressed memoriesof the event. In a safe environment with a safe person who coachesand encourages them, the traumatized person can face what they havebeen overwhelmed by and threatened by in their minds to find completehealing.

If they were in a threateningsituation, part of self protection involves taking measures to avoidfurther threat or harm, so this response is actually protective andhelps aid in survival. A person who remains in a threateningsituation will not heal from their trauma, so in this way, exploringthose feelings can help them master how to better respond in thefuture. (In some Christian traditions, victims are taught to endurethe trauma and to suppress any self-protective action as a show ofvirtue and submission, but this is neither healthy nor productive. It will only foster bitterness, continued preoccupation with theoriginal event, and will intensify the dysfunctional response.)

What Happens in Doctrine OverPerson?

When people submit to high demandgroups that manipulate members through overt authoritarian control,as we've learned in previous posts, they are forced into a doublebind situation where they must be honest at all costs, but alsoaffirm the virtue of the leader and the system. They end upsuppressing their own critical thoughts and adapt their personalitiesto meet the demands of the group. People in spiritually abusivesettings and those who exit those systems exhibit a very highdegree of dissociation, as the suppression of their naturalresponses and personality does pose a significant type ofpsychological trauma. It is a method of adapting and coping with thepressures placed upon them by the group system under thought reform.

How much more would a resident atHephzibah House be subject to dissociation symptoms if beatings,starvation, very limited protein intake, and isolation adds to theintense psychological degradation that they endure there? Difficulties experienced after leaving such a situation typify traumaand are not a matter of forgiveness or a spiritual problem. Becauseof the prolonged and intense program of thought reform imposed atHephzibah House, the problems experienced when one leaves becomepredominantly physical.

More to come.

Additional References:

Van der Kolk, B. “The Body Keeps Score” (lecture & conversation) Pioneers in Recovery Annual Symposium 2007. Novi, MI, October 12, 2007. (Sponsored by The Meadows: Wickenburg, AZ)
Van der Kolk B. The body keeps score: memory and the evolving psychobiology of post traumatic stress. Harv Rev Psychiatry. 1994 Jan-Feb; 1(5):253-65.
Van der Kolk, B., Spinazzola, J. Blaustein, M., Hopper, J. Hopper, E., Korn, D., & Simpson, W. (2007). A randomized clinical trial of EMDR, fluoxetine and pill placebo in the treatment of PTSD: Treatment effects and long-term maintenance. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 68, 37-46.
And the references noted under this previous blog post!

Altered States of Consciousness Resulting from Trauma and Environmental Factors and Brainwave States Associated with Childhood Growth and Development: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part VII

2012-01-12T04:00:00.005-05:00

Certain environmental factors and techniques that affect our level of consciousness can greatly enhance the Doctrine Over Person effect which ultimately causes a person to reinterpret their personal history and transform memory in order to meet the demands of a closed religious system. As this has been a matter of some discussion in the past on this blog, I'd like to point out that my primary and brief focus in this post concerns the way trauma alters the brain development of a traumatized child. However, please note the lifelong health effects suffered by adults of both childhood physical and emotional abuse which I detailed in the afterword (read excerpt HERE) of Hillary McFarland's book, Quivering Daughters. I've also discussed this briefly in several posts on the Overcoming Botkin Syndrome blog and here at Under Much Grace concerning the contributing pathophysiology associated with stress related illness.

Brief Introduction to Brainwaves and Levels of Consciousness

As described in this previous post, different areas and structures in the brain generate distinct types of brainwave patterns, much like an electrocardiogram reflects the real time manner in which the heart is beating. The heart generates electrical impulses that can be detected with electrodes. In the same way, the brain also generates electrical energy that is associated with particular levels of consciousness. Developments in dynamic brain imaging also corollate with and corroborate data from the older technology of EEG monitoring, offering additional objective validation of our understanding of how the mind works. Please refer to this previous post which describes the basics of brainwave monitoring and how it correlates with levels of human consciousness.

BrainwavePatterns Reflecting Levels of Consciousness in the Adult

Asdescribed in this previous post, different areas and structures inthe brain generate distinct types of brainwave patterns, much like anelectrocardiogram reflects the real time manner in which the heart isbeating. The heart generates electrical impulses that can bedetected with electrodes. In the same way, the brain also generateselectrical energy that is associated with particular levels ofconsciousness. Developments in dynamicbrain imaging also corollate with and corroborate data from theolder technology of EEG monitoring, offering additional objectivevalidation of our understanding of how the mind works. Please referto thisprevious post which describes the basics of brainwave monitoringand how it correlates with levels of human consciousness.

I'vealso previously focused on different factors which promote a person'stransition in and out of different levels of waking consciousness inthis series which presents the various aspects of how we can beinfluenced by environmental and social factors which predispose us tobecome suggestible and easily influenced if not hypnotized. Amongthese factors, socialpressures, anticipationof an exciting time, fatigue, hunger, lighting, music, and all sortsof different things can influence us to accept things that are toldto us under pressure but would reject if we were not subject to thesefactors.

Thebrainwave pattern generated by a person who is thinking rationallyand is being a good Berean, evaluating information to see if it istrustworthy is the primary brainwave state of the fully awake adult. Children do not think analytically until they are near the age oftwelve, so they do not generate these types of brainwaves.

TheSlower Alpha State of Conscious Relaxed Awareness

Asthe following chart notes, slower brainwaves also occur duringconsciousness for the adult and is experienced during relaxation,prayer, and while doing tasks of habit that do not require ourdeliberate attention. It is the ideal state for hypnosis as well,and it is the primary level of consciousness for children between theages of 6 to 12 years.

TheAlpha state can be triggered without our awareness which makes usvulnerable to manipulation and post-hypnotic suggestion. Manyfactors can be used by manipulators to slow down our level ofalertness and our waking brainwave patterns in order to influence usto accept their ideas. Our body will also adapt to match and mirrorfrequencies of light and sound in our environment, and this affectsnot only our breathing and pulse which will respond to such rhythms,but our brainwaves will also speed up and slow down in response, aphenomenon called brainwave entrainment. Deep, diaphragmaticbreathing and raising our eyes to 30 degrees to look upward will alsocause our brainwaves to slow down, an purely physical response butones that we encounter throughout the day. I remind the reader tolearn more about these previously explored topics by clicking on theembedded links if they are unfamiliar with the material. Childrenfrom the ages of approximately ages 6 to 12 years generate thesepatterns while they are awake.

Cognitivedissonance, the mind-body response to discord in factors in ourenvironment, thought, and emotions, and how appropriate they are in agiven context can also have a subtle but profound effect on our levelof consciousness, making us even more vulnerable to accepting ideasthat we would otherwise reject and oppose by literally slowing downour brain patterns. Thisseries of blog posts explores this phenomenon, and thisseries discusses how cognitive dissonance can cause lack of easeand anxiety when attempting to study the Bible after emerging fromspiritual abuse. Awareness of all of these factors helps us bebetterstewards of our minds when we encounter these pressures,especially when we understand the many things affect how and what wechoose to think. (We can make a conscious choice to remain alert,vigilant to evaluate ideas that we may choose to reject.) Ourthoughts are always our choice, except when we are subjected to overtand covert manipulation.

BrainDevelopment and Levels of Consciousness in Young Children

Basically, a infantis born with a primary and slow brainwave pattern, and as they age,they grow into faster patterns as different areas of the braindevelop and become active. Adults manifest all of these brainwavetypes, but they move in and out of them throughout the day and night.Changes in levels of consciousness cause observable changes in thepatterns of the brainwaves produced.

The next level ofconsciousness in descending speed is the Theta state, experienced byadults just before falling asleep and waking, and while doing veryrepetitive, rhythmic tasks. But oddly, this is also the state ofconsciousness that is present during physical or psychologicalthreat, a deeply emotional state that is concerned with survival andis associated with premonition and vigilance.

Theta is also theprimary level of consciousness of children between the ages of twoand six years.

And the slowestpattern is manifested by adults while they are asleep (and notdreaming). This is also the only level of consciousness of infantsthrough the age of two.

(Though a bit off topic, I have topoint out that Michael Pearl's misinformation about the “diabolicalwill” of infants completely falls apart in light of this objectivedata about the mind of infants. They teach that children plot andscheme to overthrow and thwart parents as though it is a consciousact of will as opposed to responding to rhythm and routine. Childrenprior to age 2 completely lack all ability to think in this fashionand the LACK the brainwaves to prove it. Children do not manifestfaster or more complex wave patterns to remotely begin anything likecause and effect understanding about anything until about age two,noted in the first row concerning Delta waves.)

The Effects of Trauma on Levels ofConsciousness (and resultant brainwave patterns)

Of special concern to us is theresponse created by trauma (that which is now also corroborated bybrain imaging of people with PTSD). Trauma causes physiologicchanges in the way that the brain works, and this is reflected by thesensitive measure of blood flow imaging in the brain. Notable to us,this physiologic response of survival (wherein the traumatizedperson's survival mechanisms in the brain stay active and can betriggered), and those responses divert blood away from the front ofthe brain, the Prefrontal Cortex. This is the part of the brainresponsible for critical, analytical and rational thought and isassociated with a Beta level of consciousness. Subsequently, inaddition to some other features, this response to trauma causes adiminished ability to think critically and rationally. (A similarfinding occurs in depression.)

Trauma also causes a state of“derealization,” a certain degree of dissociation, a dreamlikestate that helps a person cope by creating emotional distance forthem between their consciousness and a threatening event. Unfortunately, the state of dissociation, what is very muchdreamlike, is associated with Alpha brainwave patterns and people whoexperience PTSD have difficulty maintaining a Beta level ofconsciousness.

Children and Trauma

In children who have been subjected totrauma, levels of consciousness (reflected by brainwave patterns) andsometimes their actual brain growth and development becomes alerted. At the age of twelve or in the vicinity, if proper developmentoccurs, the child produces a certain level of Beta waves indicativeof the development of critical thinking. This is why you cannoteffectively teach algebra to an average child before the age of aboutten years, because their brain has not started functioning on thatlevel yet. They are only able to consider variables and abstractideas as they approach age twelve, after their brain develops sufficiently. Until that time, children experience life and learnconcretely and depend upon an adult to anticipate their needs andlack of ability to protect themselves or plan strategies toaccomplish their objectives. In a way, it is almost dreamlike andwhy it is easy to tell them stories of fantasy. Notably, they alsodo not distinguish well between fantasy and reality before agetwelve. They are in a dreamy state of consciousness while awake,observable by monitoring brainwave patters.

When children who have been traumatizedenter this phase of development, rather than growing into a restingstage of Beta which is generated by critical thinking, thetraumatized child shows much less critical thought than the non-abused child of the same age. They remain in a predominantdreamlike state of an Alpha level of consciousness because of dissociation, just like a traumatizedadult. They will show Beta activity, but it is not dominant as in their peers of the same age, andthey continue to approach the world through adreamlike state of consciousness. Because the brain is so adaptable,this doesn't remain a permanent state if the child recovers from thetrauma, but without healing, one could say that severely traumatizedchildren experience the world as though they are in a dream state. They remain children.

Note the following chart which detailsthe Alpha state of consciousness experienced by both traumatizedadults and children. Recall also that the even an adult does notreadily distinguish from what is real and what is imaginary when inan Alpha level of consciousness. Essentially, trauma and tactics ofmanipulation (through cognitive dissonance) not only lull adults intoa dreamlike state, they keep children from maturing into good,critical, discerning thinkers. Abuse destroys Bereans and keepschildren from becoming discerning Christians. They grow up, but thetend to agree with everything every authority figure tells them.

Significance for the Survivors of Hephzibah House

How does this pertain to HephzibahHouse survivors? I will revisit some of this in an upcoming post,but for now, let me point out a significant problem experienced bygirls when they get out and return home: the lack of ability toself-protect. It's a little off topic but demonstrates an importantpoint. Many girls report that they get molested and raped after theyleave, and they cannot figure out why this would be so problematic,given what they should have learned in the program.

The effects ofthe trauma they experienced and the heavy degree of dissociation(feelings that things are not real to more severe adaptations ofbeing outside of one's physical body to memory problems of amnesia,and confabulation of fantasy memories to compensate for the amnesia)has disabled their ability to think.

They are like children, and theabuse to which they were subjected has PHYSIOLOGICALLY altered theirability to plan, strategize and to think like a normal adult. Theyhave been reduced to children, probably to about the developmentalage of a ten year old, when it comes to planning self protection andself care.

When threatened with harm, that threat will trigger theirtrauma, they will become even more dissociated (as if they are notthere mentally and in a dream). Because of the areas of the brainthat become active during this kind of threat, the function of thebasal ganglia in the brain is very likely to route their responses ina way that causes them to respond through “freezing,” and theywill become passive. This is a physiologic response to trauma.

And in closing, very briefly, if atraumatized young adult who is in an Alpha state of consciousness allthe the time wherein they cannot discern clearly what is real andwhat is not real, could it not be possible that they either do notremember certain events or could have confabulated an ideal fantasyto fill in periods of amnesia? And if in this highly vulnerableAlpha state, the ideal level of consciousness for hypnosis, is it notpossible that if an abuser tells them that a particular thing has orhas not happened, is it not very likely that they will be inclined tobelieve their “delusionof wholeness,” as Lifton and Erikson put it, just to pleasetheir authority figure to gain a sense of worth from them? Is it notconceivable that they could believe a dream, a fantasy to help themcope with tragedy?

More to come. More to come.

Please note:

Reference material for the above information can be obtained in any, contemporary studies of consciousness related to PTSD, basic neurofeedback therapy texts, current research with PTSD affected war veterans, war veteran research/therapy by Peter Levine specifically, current theory concerning complex PTSD in adults(pdf) which is most prevalent in people who suffered trauma as children, every lecture (too many to count) that I've heard by Bessel Van der Kolk and his associates/affiliates, breakthrough developments in neurophysiologic imaging related to trauma, etc.... This information is foundational and basic knowledge in the study of PTSD, child development, Milton Erikson theory / Neurolinguistic Programming, etc... I've provided a mere few links to just a few references, as this information consolidates findings taught and supported by all of these noted disciplines. It's almost so ubiquitous, I cannot find a single reference that consolidates all of these findings in a simple link. The most basic place to start would likely be with any foundational self-help text about neurofeedback for a basic introduction.

Steven Martin on the Role of Denial in the Altering of Memory: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part VI

2012-01-11T05:00:00.000-05:00

This series of posts focuses on thesurvivors of HephzibahHouse, the IFB boarding home operated by Ron Williams, and Iwanted to include some additional information that Steven Martinoffers in his book which describes notable role that denial playswithin the dynamic of Doctrine Over Person. It expands upon theprevious post and explains how to obtain a copy of Steven's book, TheHeresy of Mind Control: Con Artists, Tyrants and Spiritual Abusersin Leadership.

More Excerpts from Martin's book:

Under thiskind of treatment, many members end up denying or covering up theirtrue feelings, and so are not honest about their feelings. They putup a front that everything is okay, under the false teaching that toadmit problems or struggles shows lack of faith.

If you interviewsomeone who is presently in a cult and they say they are happy, itmay not be a true indicator of their real experience or feelings. Nowhere does the Bible teach that faith involves denial or dishonestyabout how we truly feel, such as being sad or angry.

(pp125 - 6)

As forfeelings and other situations of life, a former client from anothercult said that members are taught to “know the Truth” aboutsituations which arise in daily life. The group taught (as do manyothers that are similar) that sin, disease, death, and matter itselfare unreal, and that one must understand these “facts” in orderto heal others. The member is therefore “constantly reinterpretingevents as they occur. If he is hurt or witnesses an accident, he'knows' that, in reality, there are no accidents. If he is sick, hedeclares that, as the perfect child of God, he cannot in reality besick.

Despite theextreme pain (and because she was under the guidance of a renownedhealer in her own organization), she denied the pain and concentratedon declaring the truth. The swelling subsided after several days, soshe, her parents, and her prayer partner concluded that the healingaccording to their doctrine was well underway. But the ankle hurtfor at least a month, and twenty-five years later it still retainssome stiffness. She gradually realized that she had not reallyexperienced a miraculous healing.

She concludes, “The sad part ofthe story if that a sprained ankle which might have proven to be aneasily-handled inconvenience that turned out to be a spiritual andphysical marathon with permanent damage to the ankle."

The same clientfurther expands on how this doctrine is emotionally damaging bysquelching one's emotions and the freedom to truly share them withothers:

The[member of this group] is taught that sin, disease, death, and matteritself are unreal. He interprets events and emotions to fit thismodel of reality. If he is hurt or witnesses an accident, hedeclares to himself that in reality, there are no accidents. If heis sick, he declares that, as the perfect child of God, he cannot inreality be sick. He must modify emotions like fear, grief, anger,loneliness, depression, and the like to fit his spiritualized view ofwhat is happening.

Furthermore, he cannot genuinely share gut-levelemotions with other people. Telling a friend the details of anillness would give it too much reality, so he tends to describe it inmore detail. Likewise, to as an ailing friend what is really wrongwould force the friend to make a reality of the problem. Consequently, real needs are not shared and the [member] suffersthrough many problems alone.

Suppose you feelangry at an act of injustice or insensitivity by the director. Hewill likely reply, “If you were really spiritual and in a rightrelationship with God, you wouldn't feel that way.” In essence,your rightful feelings are being rejected, as he is setting up aone-way street where every incrimination is directed toward you, andnone is allowed toward him.

(pp 128- 9)

Along with the girls who survived theirexperiences at HephzibahHouse, anyone who has left a spiritually abusive religious groupcan relate to some aspect of these descriptions. Group members anddevoted followers are called upon to deny their own experiences andtheir own feelings in order to meet the demands placed upon them bythe system and the leaders. Your own feelings and needs are negatedso that you can find your worth and place within the group. Theseexamples also touch on the powerful role that shame plays in thesolidification of the identity that a person must adopt in order tomerge with the group and gain the acceptance of the leaders.

Checkback again soon for more discussion about additionalfactors that contribute to Doctrine Over Person and why girls whowere incarcerated at Hephzibah House can have different opinionsabout the nature of life at the home.

Steven Martin on the Heresy of Mind Control in Christian Churches: Understanding Doctrine Over Person, Part V

2012-01-10T05:00:00.000-05:00

Steven Martin is a Christian with aMaster of Divinity degree from Nazarene Theological Seminary whoserves as a workshop leader at the Wellspring Retreat and Resource Center in Albany, Ohio (the first accredited inpatient facility forthose in recovery from cults and abusive relationships which wasfounded by his brother, the late Dr. Paul Martin).

He has written an excellent book thatexplains how the very same dynamics that Robert Lifton identifiedwork in Christian churches. Essentially, the works of the flesh andmanipulation ends up looking very much the same. On a personallevel, when we follow our flesh, we do the things that the ApostlePaul described in his letter to the Church in Galatia. When leaderstake those same types of behaviors and use them to manipulate theirchurches, just as the behaviors of individuals takes on a familiarpattern, so do the techniques of the manipulation of many people. Steven uses many examples from real life to demonstrate how each ofLifton's criteria tend to play out specifically in Evangelicalchurches. He offers this work for purchaseas a traditional, printed book, but you can also downloadthe work online as well, choosing what you would like tocontribute so that it can be widely available, especially for thosewho may have limited resources.

He's entitled his chapter aboutDoctrine Over Person “Fitting the Rigid Mold” and statesthis in the introduction to the chapter in the book, TheHeresy of Mind Control: Con Artists, Tyrants and Spiritual Abusersin Leadership.

We all want to beaccepted by those around us. Acceptance rather than rejection iswhat newcomers to a group or relationship encounter. But gradually,in an abusive environment, there is a shift, and one must conform tothe leader's programs, activities, ideology and beliefs (whetherlegalistic or outright evil) in order to maintain acceptance.

I've pulled these quotes from thechapter as well, as I think that they offer more insight into how theDoctrine Over Person pressures manipulate unsuspecting Christians invery subtle ways, even though the results of that pressure can be sodramatic. Pertaining to our discussion in this series of posts, I'veadded emphasis to the text.

Wherever totalistleaders gain control, they seek to rewrite your conscience andoften seek to alter and thus rewrite history, which amounts tolies and deception. They may attempt this with your own personalpast. If you tell about your past or an experience you are having,the leader or someone in the group is likely to impose theirinterpretation on it for you . . .

This rewriting processcontinues with all these littlechanges until it's what he really wants. He comes acrossas so authoritative and convincing that you end up believinghis interpretation. In effect, your true memory aboutyourself has been altered. He will then have you verbally presentthis story to the group, thus reinforcing it in your mind. The wholesubtle process is a brainwashing technique. (pp119 – 20)

Totalist rulersalways like to blame others, and never take responsibility for theirown faults and mistakes. In this system, members are often falselyaccused of some kind of wrongdoing. In one group, if you spoke up todefend yourself, the leader would say your defensiveness proves youare unsubmissive and rebellious. If you are silent, he would say itproves you are guilty – a no win situation.

They often dothis by “blame-shifting” – they can never own up to their ownshortcomings or problems with the group system. Instead, theycontrive reasons why you or the other person is faulty: “Youare the problem” is the common retort or “Well, if you don'tlike it, you can just leave.” Their system is a one-way street. (pp 122 - 3)

By an assumeddefinition as doing things their way, cults and abusive churches talkabout 100 percent commitment – attending all meetings, perhaps asmuch as five to six nights a week – according to their limitedlanguage and narrowed functions as an organization. If we try tolive up to a person's or group's definition of commitment and rightliving instead of God's, we end up being “people pleasers.”

We end upbeing more concerned about our acceptance in the eyes ofothers than we are about our acceptance before God. But if we look at Jesus as our example, we find that he did what wasright and pleased God regardless of what the religious leadersthought of him. This is seen all through the life of Jesus (e.g.: Matt. 15:1-14; cf. John 12:42-43). His acceptance was basedprimarily on his relationship to God and secondarily on hisrelationship to people.

It is onlynatural to want to be accepted by those around us. And acceptancerather than rejection is what those who are new to a group orrelations encounter. But gradually over time in an abusiveenvironment there is a shift, requiring one to conform to thecontroller's programs, activities, ideology and beliefs (whetherlegalistic or outright evil) in order to maintain acceptance. (pp131 - 2)

In the seriesof podcasts that Jeri Massi produced, many of the formerresidents of HephzibahHouse talk about how they craved positive attention from PattiWilliams, Ron Williams' wife. Though she was often cruel, onoccasion, she would show kindness to the girls there. I remember howheartbreaking it was to listen to the podcasts, hearing the formerresidents talk about how they would do nearly anything to solicitthese rare showings of kindness from Patti.

After leaving the home,some of these women look back on their memories of craving that lovefrom Patti, confused about how powerful those cravings were for them. How could they expect love from Patti while she was also quick todeal out aggression and cruelty to them? This is actually a powerfultechnique and component of brainwashing. Biderman'sChart of Coercion (another description developed by researcherwho also worked with the survivors of the Korean war camps) alsomakes note of this aspect of manipulation.

Tomorrow's post will include a bit morematerial from Steven's book that pertains to how denial canfacilitate Doctrine Over Person.